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I can't handle it anymore.
2 years ago · 0 · manipulation, +2
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and my parents have always gone against it and their reasons for it are always very self centered, they want me to be with someone who they like and do not see my happiness as the main priority and i have known my boyfriend for 9 years and he is the most amazing human being i have ever met. so over the years, i have beaten, mentally abused by both my parents, my mum passed away when i was little and my dad remarried and my step mum hates me. she hit me when i was 16 years old when she found out i had a boyfriend. even when i was 24 years old she hit me an accused me of lying when i was not. she has done so many terrible things to me, my dad on the other hand is a manipulator, he lies and brain washes me and wants everything to be his way. finally this year, i am 25 years old and about to finish my engineering degree in december, my dad had the talk with me again a month back saying its my choice about the relationship because as an indian family, they would check the horoscope of both the girl and guy and ours was 45% over 100%, so they would not encourage us to get married and usually if you explain its a love relationship, the astrologer would give remedies that can be done which incudes rituals or prayers. my dad checked the horoscope and it gave him a stronger point to attack me and manipulate me, my dad doesnt know how long i have been together, he has been brain washing me since i was 16 but i always tried to hide that i was in a relationship because their rules were as long you are studying, no boyfriends. so i will cut it short, my dad told me its up to me to take risk and all and i was happy he was letting me choose, but that is too good to be true and i knew that was something fishy about it. so in the middle of all this, my brother had a gf and my step mom liked her and allowed him to have a relationship eventhough he is younger and is still studying, just because she likes the girl she managed to convince my dad. my dad just listens to her all the time and she hates that my dad loves me alot so she is always causing issues. so when my step mom allowed my brother to have a gf and he is also younger than me. so i started voicing out about the unfairness, so she wanted to make it shut up, she tried to be close with my boyfriend's mother, going out for jogging, and always meeting up, and i was so happy that after 9 years things are getting better but no, it was all a game. so coming to what happened yesterday, my dad said he wanted to talk and said its up to me to decide but he just kept brain washing me the whole time, he said that my mom told him how can he just accepts my boyfriend and tried to stir the whole situation, and my dad gets influenced by here and comes at me. so my dad came to say ohh its your decision but he comes and tells me, its a risk and dont betray his trust because he trusted that i will let go of my boyfriend which i never once told him, he said i trust u and i know u wont go along and let it go and find someone who matches the horoscope. then tells me but its your decision, the thing is, in my whole life, they are always deciding everything for me, they will never give space for my opinion, if i say what i feel, its considered talking back, and for not following what they want, they would punish me like threaten to stop my studies or hit me or give me the silent treatment and ignore me and me being a very sensitive and anxious person cannot deal with the anxiety and i am in fear all the time. so i am just traumatized that even if i want to say ya i want my boyfriend, i am scared but i will never say i am leaving. i always make it a point that i still want him. my dad actually told me, i know u will do what i say so i want you to send a text message to my step mom saying i am gonna let go my boyfriend and i am looking out for others.????? like why must i send her that?????? my dad told my my step mom challenged him that i would still stick to my boyfriend and not let go and triggers my dad so they are challenging each others and playing with my life like its some game. my dad wants to win so he wants me to send her the text and i seriously cannot believe it. one minute you say its your decision then the next he tells me no you have to decide now, today. dont tell me in 1 year time that you still want him. like whyyyyy must i decide and tell him now?????? i am never gonna leave my boyfriend and why must i decide to let go of a 9 year relationship because these 2 people are betting on my life??????? like for no reason, she starts an issue when i havent done anything wrong, she goes and triggers my dad and say she will still choose him. i am so confused so why did u pretend and hang out with his mom talking about marriage and stuff. you betrayed me, when i finally thought i would be happy. my dad said maybe this week or in a month, please text her and tell her that...i am so tired, i just continue to have faith that God will be with me through these battles. and one more thing, so yesterday after all this discussion with my dad, i dont trust him because just because he doesnt want this relationship so he will say everything negative about my boyfriend and our horoscope so i searched online for astrologers and i contacted one and had a chat with him regarding this issue and he gave me 3 remedies and said if its a love marriage then it should be fine, he game me options and remedies whereas my dd manipulated me and lied and said i will die if i get married to him and gave me all the negative comments. i cannot live in this house anymore. now my dad is giving me the ignoring treatment which makes me anxious all the time. every move makes me overthink and i get anxious and cry. i have been traumatized due to all the beating and yelling and manipulation throughout my life and i cant even voice out because he would say things like he an do anything, he would punish me and threaten me that he can bring my boyfriend and his family down.
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