Narcissistic Ex of Six Years

I read old entries of mine trying to figure out my ex. Trying to understand why he is so in love with me in the beginning and then becomes hot and cold, manipulative and mean. How he starts to resent me and belittle me and gaslight me. How it would feel like a roller coaster ride being with him. Hes broken up with me 4 times and everytime I came back to him being in love again and the cycle would repeat. Turns out, after six years Ive learned he is a covert narcissist. Narcissists love bomb you to get you in the beginning. They lack empathy so they mirror you and what you project as love. Once they have you and stop getting validation from you, as you're no longer a shiny object to them anymore, they begin to get bored and need to seek a new supply. They'll drop you quickly for something else to give them validation but they tend to come back later to try to get more from you. I wasted 6 years of my life thinking this was love. I was trauma bonded. Im glad to have all the answers now. To be free from it but im also just sad and empty from this realization. I have hope I just really lost a lot of self confidence and self worth from this.