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Hello, I was wondering if I could get some advice over here. For some context, I'm in high school, and a couple of weeks ago a casual friend asked me out. I said yes, but thinking back, I don't really know why. They are enby as well and were apparently attracted to me from the start. I don't have a clear understanding of how crushes work, and often have trouble deciphering platonic from romantic feelings.
Anyway, the date kept getting moved around because of scheduling conflicts, as well as us living in different towns. It's been two weeks now and we still haven't gone out.
This, however, gave me time to think. Do I want to be in a relationship right now? Am I even attracted to this person, or do I only see them as a friend? They mentioned to a friend that they were worried I only said yes to a date out of pity, just to give you an idea of how low their self-esteem is.
I don't want to call off the date now because I have to see them everyday at school, and don't want to make it awkward. I'm also afraid I'll miss my chance and will later have romantic feelings towards them, and regret cutting them off.
I have a history of keeping people at arm's length, and I don't want to ruin a good thing here, cause I really do like this person just...maybe...not like that.
Help!
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I've never been in a proper relationship before but after seeing so many through school and college I can tell you this with confidence:
Firstly, it'll sound cheesy, but communication is key, I can't stress that enough for any relationship whether it's platonic friendships or other romantic partners communication is the most important thing. Talk about how eachother feels, get to learn more about eachother and talk to see if you're compatible for eachother like common interests etc.
Second is to be open, but be comfortable. A relationship works both ways and you should never feel uncomfortable sharing or doing anything, if you're comfortable with it and having a rough day, mention it to them, see how they respond and vice versa ask about their day, this helps build communication.
Third I'd say set strict boundaries but be flexible, for example say "I need to get this homework done first but after that I'll leave (random day) free to meet you"
Finally, and I'd say this is second to communication, talk to them straight away and put things in place, if things work out, great! That's a brilliant thing. But if not, then have the conversation at the beginning of the relationship saying "if things don't work out then we can just stay close friends" people will say that you can't be friends after a break up, but I entirely disagree, I've seen it happen and I know people who didn't work out as a relationship but are the closest of friends.
Remember, always communicate, always be comfortable, and take things slow to get to know the other person. I hope this helps out, and sending best wishes to you.
ReplyI think you should still go on a date to get a better sense of their character. You can even be honest about how you are unsure whether you like them romantically or not but you still want to get to know them.
A date is a really good way to figure out your feelings for someone. However, if you are certain you don’t want a romantic relationship at this time, you should definitely tell them this as soon as possible. And if you find out you only like them as a friend, you can let them down easy but ask if you can still be friends since you like hanging out with them.
As for figuring out whether it’s platonic or romantic, it all depends on how you see them. Sometimes a person gets nervous when they like someone romantically. Other times a person starts thinking about someone at random times frequently for no reason. Basically, you act different around them in a way you don’t act with a friend. You don’t want to see them dating someone else. (I’m not sure if that made sense tbh).
You got this!! I hope everything goes okay!! You know yourself best. :)
Replythank you so much for the advice, ill really take it to heart!
Replyyou are afraid of being hurt, but by doing that you are hurting yourself and maybe this person genuinely likes you, what if you don't give this a chance will you have even more regrets. Yes ye might try and yes ye might fail but you know what ye might have some fun on the way learn more about yourself and each other and learning to fail is a life lesson, I am with the same person who I met in school almost 26 years ago, we have grown together have a family together we worked out.... sometimes we gotta allow people into our lives, to feel that love, to feel love, to give love. The learn how to be comfortable and learn how to behave around others. The learn to respect them, to learn how to create boundaries together and to create separate identities from each other too.... its just a date, ye are testing the waters, you can keep your cards close to your chest see how you feel spending more time with the person and take it slow......
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