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Okay so, its 4:14 AM at the time of me writing this. Every night when I'm up this late I'm either on my phone or just "thinking" about things. Tonight, I unlocked horrible memories of things that happened to me when I was very young. I don't remember my exact age but I'm guessing I was around 6 or 7. I had a cousin that came from my step dads side of the family. She was the same age as me and we quickly became best friends shortly after we met. One day I was over at her apartment and we were just hanging out like usual (doing 7 year old things lol) and then she starts kissing me on my lips. It made me super uncomfortable and I think I tried getting her to stop, but she wouldn't. Then she kept exposing me to her privates when I finished using the bathroom; asking me to touch it.. Then on another day, she stripped naked in her closet and insisted that I do it too. I did because.. I didn't know if this type of thing was normal or not. Not too long later my aunt catches us and immediately takes me to another room. I think she was asking me the usual "What were you guys doing?" and "Why did you do that?". I don't remember what I answered with but whatever I said, it didn't warrant enough concern to ask me any further questions. So few years pass and my cousin stopped doing what she did completely and we both just forgot about it all. I'm 9 or 10 years old, and I did something awful.. something that I wish I could take back. One time my cousins sister was staying over at my house for a sleepover, and I don't know what happened to cause the situation to happen, but eventually, me and her were rubbing each others nipples.. I don't remember who started it first but I really don't care. I feel so disgusted with myself for allowing that thing to happen. The guilt I'm feeling is so extreme. I don't know what to do since this happened so long ago and I'm just now remembering all this at 16. I want to say something to my parents but I'm scared to admit what I did at 10 years old. Any advice at all would be appreciated.
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All children are curious so that is what you and your cousins were. Put it behind you. I remember when kids played 'doctors and nurses' and they did the same sort of things. It would be a good idea for you to watch something worth while on TV when you are up late.
ReplyAll children are curious so that is what you and your cousins were. Put it behind you. I remember when kids played 'doctors and nurses' and they did the same sort of things. It would be a good idea for you to watch something worth while on TV when you are up late.
ReplyThe fact that you feel guilty about it means you've grown from it. You know it's wrong and that you won't do it again, so there's no issue. It is very normal for kids to be curious like that, that's all it was. At the end of the day you didn't know what you were doing. You didn't understand what this stuff all meant at that age, just that you were curious.
I hope this helps and makes you feel better about the situation.
ReplyI'm not much of a advice person but writing on here has help with the weights on my shoulders feeling like it's better to write about it then talk about it in person if that helps at all .
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