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I'm a reasonable person I swear, but my emotions take over sometimes, is it good? No. Does it help with anything at all? Also no. What is it good for? Driving me into a spiral of meaningless thoughts about a fairly normal human interaction? Well that interaction could have happened with anybody else and I wouldn't have given it much of my time, but I know, I just know that my mind ain't got nothing to do with it. My heart took over and did that useless little thing. I did NOT want to feel anything for anybody! I am not prepared yet and I have no idea how to handle such feelings. I guess imma screw up and wind up losing my sanity over time. I can already see it coming. I have to talk about it or else I'm gonna lose my mind. I kinda feel bad for talking about it to 3 of my friends. I shouldn't be telling anyone anything because there is nothing and there cannot be anything. I just had to vent, to express my feelings to someone, and now I am fearful of the result of actually opening up to some people whom I trust. Why did I tell them? How could I have told anyone? I have no idea, I just felt that overwhelming need to get it off my chest, and guess what, it's getting worse. I don't wanna feel any of this at all because I have 0 experience and am a mess of a human being as long as I let my heart do its work. I hate feelings that I have no control over, I have no idea how to act upon them. I just want my normal self back, the one who wouldn't get emotionally attached to anyone, the one who knew better. I hate how I feel. I love the person but hate the way I feel about them. I don't want to have a love interest or to be emotionally involved with someone who doesn't even acknowledge my name. I don't want them to acknowledge anything about me either, but all of a sudden I do? That's screwed up. I wish I could take feelings back.
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