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I'm starting to realise that we will never be close anymore. The worst decision I ever made was to encourage us to be apart of a friendship group, the worst. They changed her and drifted me away, then the fights began and all I could do was worry and worry for this girl who didn't even know who I was anymore. I wish that on that one day, the argument never happened. I wish she didn't find the comfort in those other girls, I wish it was me and her against the world again. She no longer launches herself at me every morning for a hug, she no longer spams me with messages every night, she no longer is my best friend. She's with them. I think the last time I interacted with her, she was telling me how awful things were and how annoyed she is that I chose to stay, she's changed so much. It's like watching a innocent caterpillar change into this ambitious butterfly that then leaves you for some toxic moths, whilst you're still stuck being a caterpillar. (if that made any sense). I hate myself everyday knowing because I didn't go after her, she's gone. Forever. My friends now are fake as hell. All they do is keep secrets, gossip and make me feel so uncomfortable and angry. But you'll never catch me leaving or giving up on them. I know they can change, I know that one day I'll be there with them, able to sit with them without being pushed away. It may not be now, but It'll be soon. When I look at them I just remind myself they're he ones who stayed when the others left, so it's my duty to be there with them, because they care for me. We went from 5 of us, to 4, to 3 and now a duo with a shadow following behind (me). I hate how problematic the world has to make things, why couldn't we all have been one happy group. Just anything that isn't this, I beg.
It's not the same.
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(****If u want to get to my point scroll to thr bottom, but if u want to read my rant about my similar issue, read on!****)
The biggest problem in my life is my friends and family relationships. I am a teen and I do not have any friends who I am genuinely close with. I grew up in the wrong type of school, in the wrong type of neighborhood and in thr wrong type of family. Had I grown up in the right type of those things, my life would a be a trillion times better. I have had a good number of friends who have come in and out of my life throughout my life but none who stayed. Most of them I simply just stopped talking to because although they were all nice people we just didn't click, you know? I go to an EXTREMELY small school, 250 kids from Nursery through 12th grade. So there is no variety of people to become friends with. Every grade is basically one little friend group. So everyone at my tiny school is very similar and like minded and I am the total opposite of them, hence why I have no close friends. I have a couple nice people I talk to, but we again just don't "click" like close friends would. My family is quite large but the only person I genuinely love in it is my mother. So there goes that. I live in a dirty (but expensive!) Hipster neighborhood while I am a ultra girly girly spoiled princess. Doesn't really go together.
MY POINT: (Sorry it took so long, needed to rant)
It seems as though everyone out there has found their "people", their ride or dies, the people who they genuinely love and care about and enjoy being with. Especially with everyone flaunting their friends on social media.
But that is not true. Some people, like us, are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We are picky. We don't just find random acquaintances, call them our friends only to find out they'd gladly walk away in favor of "cooler" people. We wait. And we wait some more. And we will wait and wait and wait until one day we find our tour people. Some people find them right away. Some people run right into them. Others have to go hunting. But if you have the patience to wait it out, finding those true friends will be worth everything. They will be your family. I'm still young but everyday I pray that this time will come soon.
If you managed to read my whole comment, I sincerely thank you.
I wish you the best of luck in life, now and beyond. :)
ReplyThank you so much for reading and don't worry I'm glad you did vent, thank you for your words and I hope you find your people soon <3
ReplyYour story is just so sad. Friends are such an incredibly big part of our lives. To have so much trust and love for this person and have them suddenly leave you is just heartbreaking. I feel for you so much. You just never know about people, do you? I truly hope she one day comes to her senses and realizes what she did.
ReplyI hope so too, hopefully I won't have to write about this again. Hope you're doing well, thank you for your kind words! <3
ReplyThe part about her not hugging you and spamming you with texts really got to me. Really illustrates the type of relationship you guys had.
ReplyYeah, hopefully I won’t have to write about her again but I felt the need to vent, hope you’re well <3
Reply