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i'm so fucking sad right now i want to die. everything is weighing so heavily on my conscience and my soul. i don't want to be gay but i am and i only feel comfortable with women and i still can't even fucking TALK to a man i'm literally sobbing. i don't want to be with a man but sometimes a nice guy will flirt with me and i get so fucking terrified and i wish i could reciprocate it bc they're nice but i fucking can't and i just honestly deep down do not ever fucking want to.
why can't i just be straight? everyone expects me to but i can't even pretend to be straight, it's so fucking terrifying i'm literally shaking i want to kill myself.
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I’m sure when the time is right you’ll know it and it will be easier and freeing rather than something causing you fear.
ReplySounds like you are scared due to unknown, foreign concept
ReplyIt sounds like it's not a question of being gay or not... It's just a matter for you to be you! Whether a person is straight or gay, it doesn't mean that you automatically now need to go out there and meet someone! When it comes to dating/flirting/relationships etc, people move at their own speed. Some people are happy just being single, others like to be in a relationship. You will feel it when you want to, so don't force it. And dating as a whole is a complicated and sometimes complex thing... but who knows, one day you may meet someone who fits your personality perfectly and it will just feel like the most natural thing in the world to start talking to them and so on. Don't put so much of pressure on yourself. Societal norms be damned!.. move at your own pace, and at your own comfort levels. Also, maybe think about the environment that you're in and how to change it to reflect more of who you truly are... Sometimes we can't change the behaviours of the people we surround ourselves with, and it takes too much emotional energy our of us to even try. So maybe if we start spending time in an environment that has more like minded people around us, we can start to feel more settled, think clearly with less distractions, and then tackle the bigger issues once we've fixed ourselves.
I know it's not as easy or as simple as it sounds, but the first step to decide what you want... not what the world wants of you. Be selfish with this (within reason). They are merely spectators.... You are the one who has to face the outcomes of the decisions you make. Be true to yourself and if other people are meant to be in your life, they will still be there when they see how happy and content you are. If they're not, then maybe your path to happiness will take you towards people who are. It won't be easy, but it may be worth it in the end. And hey, when you're at rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up! Nothing to lose, but everything to gain!
All the best to you!
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