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I fell like everything I hope for always ends up bad. It’s like i jinx things in my mind. The things I hope for end up horrible and the plans I make go to ruins. And they tell me. They warn me. But they never stop me. The things I had so much to hope for always end up to disappoint me. I wanted this so bad. But here I am, crying a late I write this. And they don’t understand. They don’t understand how sad I am. They don’t understand why the tears come. This is not me being dramatic. This is me crying because the thing I planned for,that I was excited for, never came. It was all my mind. Dreaming of how things would be good. Dreaming that I was happy. That I never cried over silly things. But in reality, my life is dull compared to what I dream. I don’t have any motivation. I just want to sleep and cry and dream of all the good things that will never come. And to make things worse, they never came and helped me. They only told me how stupid I am. For dreaming. For wanting something bad. For being stubborn enough to want this. I really wanted it. I really wanted to be happy. But I am sad. I am so sad. I hate myself. And I’m trying, I’m really trying but nothing ever works. I just want To look pretty. And smart. And confident. I want to stop caring about what others think about me. To stop overthinking stupid situations. To not cry over the little embarrassing things I’ve done at night. I want someone to listen to me. But I don’t have anyone. That’s why I’m writing to you. Because I have no one else to hear me. Understand me. I wish someone could just listen. To see the things the way I see. I just want to go home.
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