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Advice/thoughts needed please :)
So, as a person I’m not doing too badly. I’ve had therapy in the past, and got myself through some bad stuff & as far as mental health goes, I’m generally doing better than I was. When I’m by myself, I can regulate my emotions extremely well. I can be more patient than most people, stay calm when stuff goes wrong, be nice to the inner child etc etc.
The issue is, I don’t have friends, and I seem to be incapable of making friends. I want to be someone else, but it’s not really possible and I don’t know how to deal with that.
Basically, when I go out somewhere with lots of people, I get this overwhelming feeling that I’m so, so stupid and don’t belong there. And as much as I tell myself it’s not true, this feeling doesn’t go away.
When I’m by myself, I can dance around the kitchen. As soon as anyone else is around, the energy and confidence is drained out of me.
In public, I get compliments because I’m meticulous about the way I look (idea being that if I look good, I can get confidence from that…it doesn’t work. I just sit and do nothing and look gorgeously grumpy while hating myself). There’s literally no reason for me to feel like I do. I don’t hate people. For the most part, in the situations I’m in, people don’t hate me. I love nightclubs and lights and music…but when I’m there, I’m miserable. I get so envious it hurts, when I see groups of friends laughing and having fun. I don’t want to be like this. I keep putting myself out there in different situations, trying to break the pattern and retrain myself into someone different, but it doesn’t work.
I really want to be someone who’s friendly, happy, goofy and thoughtless and capable of dancing on a night out.
I don’t want to have to be alone forever, but I feel loneliest when I’m surrounded by people.
It’s the same in any public/social situation, not just clubs and stuff.
Also please don’t tell me it’s just an introvert/social anxiety thing and I can’t change, because that’s not an answer I can cope with. Even introverts with social anxiety are capable of having friends! I need social connections. I need to find a way through this, because social isolation is really holding me back.
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It’s all about perspective and expectation.
Why do you presume that laughing in a bar with a group of people is the ultimate proof of being happy? I done that for most of my early teens and even my adult life.
You know, alcohol and drugs make people lose their inhibitions and just because a group of people laugh and appear to be happy in said bar doesn’t mean they aren’t lonely or as anxious as you..sometimes, more so.
I’ve been a master at dying on the inside but expressing to the world how happy I am so not to have others worry and to try and just see others smile and laugh.
A sure way to spot this is to see if the smile reaches the eyes on a person, it’s called a Duchenne smile, I’d bet a combination of the alcohol/drugs and the mask are enough to fool the average person.
We’re all riddled with self doubt and in the early hours of the morning we all criticise ourselves and understand we have flaws and this effects our self esteem which in turn effects our confidence.
We’re are own worst critics.
Go easy on yourself….Rome wasn’t built in a day… express here, that’s your first step…you know…appearances can be deceptive…some of the most damaged/broken people walk around oozing confidence they do it to get feedback from others to try to adjust their own perception of themselves.
You sound very attuned into other peoples happiness but what about your own? Work on that beautiful…being a social butterfly is often a front for the most damaged souls around.
ReplyThankyou, that’s an interesting point and a lot to think about.
I won’t go into detail, but uhh chemical stuff doesn’t really work on me in the same way it does for most people, which probably contributes to this. On the plus side, very little chance of getting addicted/dependent on a substance that does nothing lol
Think it’ll probably be quite a while before I find a consistent source of happiness, but I’ll give it a try. May even take myself out on a date lmao
ReplyYou do what gives you pleasure…never let anyone take away from what you find pleasure in.
You’re an intelligent, articulate, intuitive and empathic soul…that’s beautiful in itself.
You go have a date, dance and sing, and be the beautiful soul I can sense you are…
The substance stuff is great…stay well clear if you can :) we’re nit truly ourselves on any of it anyway…it’s often just self-medication for one reason or another or a million reasons :)
You keep winning in life and what I do know is…quite often the quiets one in the room is usually the most interesting…we all love a mysterious person :) it’s extremely attractive and it draws people naturally. Most of the time less is more.
I hope your smile can reach your eyes :)
and you knock this world dead…I’ve a feeling you will.
ReplyWow you have a very interesting personality. All I’m gonna say to you is stop being hard on yourself you’re already perfect and with it, the right people will just automatically be attracted to you… be you do you🥺 enjoy your company while you have a chance to. Lastly try dating I think your partner might turn into a bestie you’re seeking for
ReplyThankyou 🥹 (I love that emoji lol)
Yeah maayyybe, might as well give it a try
ReplyAll of these yes but also for me It was Social Media. Once I deleted it all, my life and self confidence changed dramatically. Keep your chin up too <3
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