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Its like theres three people inside of my head, theyre all me. BUT they couldnt be more different. Its like, theres one,
Lets call her Me A
She hates herself, She replays all the things people have told us until it begins to feel like the truth. She never sleeps, she haunts me in my dreams and in my everyday life, she tells me to just end it, that I am nothing more than a burden, a waste of space, a fat (I have a normal BMI and actually clinically am not fat) she sees flaws in EVERY part of me. She has nothing to live for. AND MIGHT I ADD, shes louder and more persistant
Then there is Me B
She tries to console me, she tries (but fails) to tell me all the good ive done, how ive touched peoples lives and regardless where they are now at some point I mattered to them, she tries to tell me I matter, that Im enough, that Im pretty, that I also deserve joy and to live BUT she is easy to overpower, she is LAZY actually no, she tries really hard, but just gets lost
And the 3rd? ME.
she is just me, tormented by all this, the reason Shes separate from my body is because ive become so accustomed to working on auto pilot, I will be laughing, working doing everything i should be doing but on the inside shes running around banging on walls, throwing glasses and vases while crying, she is ripping the skin off her face because thats how she feels, she is curled in a ball scared to death. She wants to live better, she wants to be happy but all she can hear is herself telling her to just finally finish it off. So she screams SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! loudly. And honestly? Shes tired and wounded and just wants a second where its only "Me B" talking and not fighting "Me A" simultaneously. I wanna rest and just take a break. How much ever im trying to let B win, A seems to be leading the race.
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If you think you have 3 different personalities see a psychiatrist.
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