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i've been thinking about ending it recently. i've been thinking about it for years now, actually. but as college comes closer and the pressure builds, i don't think i have a place here much longer. i used to think about suicide in a weirdly explicit way. saying that i was going to kill myself right there and then. recently though, its been more of a lingering feeling. i cant see a future for myself and it almost feels like ive planned it. that i dont intend to graduate school. i've silently thought about my own doom and i don't really know how to feel about it.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. It seems that you feel you don’t have a future, so you might as well end things. I once thought that way too about my life. I couldn’t see the future I wanted so I starting planning my death. I remember during that time that my friend told me something I’ll never forget: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You may not see it now, but you won’t always feel like you don’t have a future. And you don’t always need to see a good future for you to enjoy the present moment.
It’s okay if you don’t have a good vision, or any vision, for your future. That doesn’t mean death is the best choice. So many beautiful moments in my life I would have missed if I would have killed myself when I wanted to. Beautiful moments that I never saw coming in my future. Just because your future is empty now doesn’t mean it always will be. You don’t know what will happen next. But I promise that something will happen. Because nothing stays the same forever. And you’ll get some bad moments in with the good, but man, those good moments make life worth every single bad moment. Your good moments will come
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