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I just wanted to take a moment and pat myself on the back.
In the past where relationships were concerned, I would cling so tightly to any possible opportunity to be in a relationship and to anyone who had an interest in me. I felt like I had to give anyone a chance because you never know who could be the one, or how people can grow and change. I would lead with the things I could do for people so they knew my love was worth having. I'd ship myself with people and try to move the relationship in the direction I envisioned in my mind, rather than allowing it to flow freely.
Lately, I've grown to truly love and value myself. I know who I am in certain areas and I know that at no point do I have to go out of my way to prove to anyone how valuable I am or that I bring "something to the table." I know that I'm extremely dope without having to put it all out there in hopes that someone will genuinely like me back. Fuck all that, I love me first so I don't have to beg anyone to do so.
There's someone in my life who is just my friend but is teaching me so much about taking my time. This person is slowly walking alongside me just as a friend but in this walk, I've learned so much about the beauty of getting to know someone. In this day, we're so quick to connect and cling to someone without taking the time to understand who they are and how they've come to be. We're so conditioned to quick and fast relationships that the foundation of those is usually codependent or simply just a trauma bond. I don't wish to have a microwaveable relationship in any capacity. I'd rather have a home-cooked, slow-cooked relationship.
A hookup doesn't tell you about someone's character, nor do flashy and superficial dates where the end goal is to stick with a person to help stroke your ego and validate the parts of you that you yourself are struggling to love. I'm seeking and cultivating love, and that takes time to build. By loving myself, I UNDERSTAND what I require for others to love me and what I need to actively learn to love others. To be with someone who encourages growth, and sees me for my soul.
My hope is that all of you get to this place, and learn that slow and steady does truly win the race.
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