Manibela

Have you ever thought of trying to consider every bit of "what ifs" and "what haves" on your mind?

That montage of events, whether the past, the future or the present. It just rolls on your mind for a moment to a long period that you would think that the episodes of events will never end. Those events flashing like a line of signages on the road blended with mixed emotions--fright, bliss, grief, lust, thrill, indifference--make you want to curl into a little ball and end up feeling very insignificant. How these situations and emotions overwhelm you so that it consumes every ounce of your being. Everything seems grand and extra, and you realize how far you are from where you want to be and what you want to be.

That leads me to a further realization that I long for the feeling of having a sense of purpose. I envy and admire at the same time those people that have found theirs at an early age, or simply found theirs regardless of age and state of living and status and I don't know, situation. It makes me ask the question: "Why was I born?", "Where will fate bring me?", and the most cliche of the cliche questions: "Who am I, and what do I want?"

Manibela is a Filipino term for the steering wheel. And it makes me wonder if life is a journey and nobody else steers my life for me but myself, where do I go? The Cheshire Cat said that "If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there." But where?

And if I choose the road less traveled, what will there be? Will faith lead me there? I am still figuring out what is there that awaits me.

One thing that I am sure of, at the end of my journey, I hope I'll find these three things: Joy, Contentment, and Satisfaction.