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I feel burned out... I have no motivation. And when I start to feel better my mom destroys it.
I mean - she could say: can you help me with this? or can you ....? but no, she does not do that. She skips this "nice" part and she immediately starts her aggressive way. She use rude and nasty words towards me. She acts like I said that but I did not. IT is so frustrating to argue with her that she thinks I was going to say something she thinks when I did not!
She is a woman in transition and she is very irritable with small details now. She is cycling in the problems like - it gets better, she is fine, and then she again starts to overthink about it...
I did not finish my Ph.D...but she forces me to publish my research as a book, but I do not want. I do not feel ready. Moreover - I have no motivation. She says if I do not publish it they will steal my research and publish it. It is possible but...ugh GOD I do not want to! I spent the last years of my life in front of a PC writing my dissertation. I HAVE ENOUGH.
I would like to find a boyfriend but again - **controlling mechanism activated**. Moreover, my brother was like *WHAT?!* when I said I want to fix my teeth so I can do kissing...ughhh...
Now I started to realize how my life and family are toxic, I was overprotected from the world outside so my social skills are horrible (or non) I am not sure what to do. I feel old, I did not spend my young years like other teens/early adults of my age. Now many of them are married, and have little kids but I...I am stuck and I feel like I am not ready. I have no real-life friends, only a few online ones (great ones, really supportive and carring but they live far away)
I would like to move away from home but again - mom´s overprotecting mechanism attacked and destroyed my willingness to do so, so I fell into burnout and I do not know what to do... She said she expected me to "help" when I am older. I am not sure what it means like stay an old virgin with my mother and care about granny and her until I die as a frustrated woman with a broken spirit? I have no motivation... and idea? There will be a chance to defend my dissertation next year but I am pessimistic. So I will have to come back for this "great event"
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I think you are in a toxic relationship. You have to remind yourself this is YOUR life, not your mother's not your brother's, YOURS. You are a grown adult so act like one, be responsible and respectful but have a voice make decisions for you. And honey, love is overrated I know they give it to you in movies like a fairy tale but in real life some people find love quicker than others and some not at all. Don't set yourself to any standards either this isn't the 40s where you become a mom at 14. This is a turning point in your life so you need to wake up and think about it. What do you want from life? Where do you want to be by a certain time? And do you want to stay in the same place forever not experiencing anything...... you know the answer to that one..... Find what makes you happy no one is the boss of you.
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