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After I started college, the environment there, the people over their really changed me in a bad way. In my highschool, I was such an private but extrovert social person like I participated in school activities and hosted school shows and talked to people.
But after I join college, idk what happened but I felt so scared to even present in fromt of class. Like people in my class are kind of arrogant and makes fun of my classmates is kind of disrespectful. So, I fear they’ll make fun of me too. And also here’s a thing, I have dated many people and I also fear that people will make fun of me for that as many people from my college are the people I studied school with and I constantly look down on myself and whenever I am in college I feel anxious. Specially, when teacher starts the topic of presentation, I start to feel super anxious amd uncomfortable. How do I work on it?
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Anxiety is the story we tell ourselves about the onset of a particular body sensation (an increased heart rate, sweaty palms, forehead, and / or arm pits, a rapid increase in your heart rate). If you did not have a language - had no words to use, these sensations would soon dissolve because the harm you feared would not materialize. It's the story that you created that has the life and staying power.
The story is just thoughts and all thoughts come and go. Most show up unannounced looking for validation. All of your thoughts need the energy you provide to persist. Have you ever had a thought that came and then was soon replaced without you even noticing this happened. Thats because this thought got nothing from you, no reaction at all.
Thoughts are energized, initially, by your attention and when you add mental opinions, comments, a dramatic story, and / or some emotions, they have enough energy to stick around and to return often. You are not these thoughts. Their arrival does not make them automatically meaningful. You do that when you energize them. You are the one who can and should decide which thoughts are worthy of further consideration.
You have this very powerful and complicated thinking instrument (your brain) that needs to be better understood and managed. This is your quickest and most certain path to relief. You know deep down that your anxiety is a made-up story. It is fear of a danger that is not present. The world can't change enough to correct this situation for you. It has to happen inside of you first. It is a way of seeing and assessing your experiences. I can get you started on this endeavor with a few pointers so that you can proceed on your own. You will see progress almost immediately. Interested?
ReplyHeyy! Thankyou so much for this explanation. Yes, indeed you are correct and it does make sense when I think it’s an energy I give in and I can choose where to invest my energy at. This is something I need to get it done internally.
I would love for you to give me so more advices and that would be interesting.
ReplyEveryone has obligations they have take care of such as cooking, eating, cleaning, traveling, driving, studying, talking to someone, preparing to do these things, etc.. It is best to give these matters your full attention for quality and safety reason.
When your time and circumstances allow, you can and should attend to the things you prefer. However, too often we dwell on a past regret or anticipate a possible future difficulty. This is where anxiety lives. It's a story about a past that is not here and future that may not happen.
So, first you should give your full attention to the things you are doing. When the opportunity to think about the past or the future you need to do these two things;
(1) you need to allow negative unwanted thoughts to be with you without resisting or worrying about them. You can't prevent them from showing up.
Expect them, don't make any mental comments, and don't have any emotional reaction. Soon they will be replaced with another, perhaps, unwanted thought. If that happens repeat the no reaction response.
(2) When a positive / helpful thought arrives, pay attention, get excited, use your imagination, and even allow the thought to direct your actions.
You should also set the stage for the arrival of useful helpful thoughts but I'll say more about this next time. This is enough to get you started. If you notice any progress (and you should) please let me know.
After a few back and forths on this platform, you will be on your way to a better life.
ReplyTry and expand your circle of comfort and be a little more comfortable in uncomfortable situations. To try and support your social anxieties #1 you need to accept it so you stop trying to fight it when it builds up. Fighting it will just make it worse. #2 go through, on paper or out loud, what you're scared of, what's the wrost that could happen and then what you would do it all the various worst case scenarios happened. Having a plan for how you would deal with the worst case scenarios will help to remove and reduce the unknowns that multiply a normal nervousness into anxiety. #3 get prepared and be prepared. If you're worried about going blank, make sure you write notes. Think about things you can say that will fill the blanks if there are any.
The situations you spiral through in your mind will rarely if ever happen. And you may not think the situations through to the end when you're getting anxious in your mind, but you need to think them through properly to come to terms with what is making you anxious.
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