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My dad constantly finds reasons to fight with me and is never happy with what I do. He’ll yell if I do one thing and yell if I do the other. He puts me in situations like when he drives and speeds and aggresses other drivers where I can’t leave, and then gets mad that I feel unsafe about him road raging. I didn’t want to be there in the first place. Being around him puts me on edge. Secretly I think he’ll hit me again one day. He loves to hog attention from my friends and gave some of them a self-help book he wrote recently. Honestly little else made me cringe more. He’s one of the most unhappy people I’ve ever met. He also loves to find things to blame me for, and takes no responsibility for his actions. It’s always gotta be something I’m doing wrong, even if he’s the only one doing anything of that nature at all. I’m never alone, even now, and I can never cry about anything, especially not in front of him. He says women are too emotional but he is the most volatile person I know. I fight and I scream back because someone has to defend the rest of the family from him, and my mom has long since abandoned us on that front. I never, ever want to marry a man like him. And I’m worried I am becoming him, that I’ve been created through my situation to have a temper. I would get told I looked like him a lot as a kid. It was the worst thing I ever could’ve heard. If I am to marry, I would like them to be gentle. To be kind. To be all the things my dad portrays himself to be and tells others he is while doing absolutely nothing to be worthy of those words. I wish for peace and warmth. I feel as though I am dying when I am with him. Of course I came out with depression and anxiety disorders.
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Every day there is a man crying on TV either acting or in a reality show. Men are becoming more emotional than women. You need to get a job if you haven't got one and leave home. In the mean time avoid your dad as much as possible.
ReplyThis is not a one size fix all solution for everyone though. I think that is said on this site more than anything.
ReplyMy dad is a lot like this and im really sorry you have to deal with that. I hope your situation gets better you don't deserve that toxicity.
ReplyYou are not like him. I can tell from what you've written. We reflect the environment around us, which is why you feel your temper, anxiety and depression. I don't know if you can but I'd suggest a counsellor or an adult you can talk to privately. It's important for you to have someone seperate that can help keep you grounded when all the shit is happening around you. And leave as soon as you can, with or without your siblings. The longer you stay, the more of your life you'll be unhappy and living in fear. I'm sorry that people like this have children and then don't have the brains or empathy to care for you. ❤️ Be strong, get as independent as possible and talk to someone.
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