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I feel like crying over a boy is stupid, but that one, that one is a pain in the ass... I just wish I didn't know... I was going through his Instagram account when I saw a story from 7 weeks ago which was saying 1 year with a girl's name and a picture of them hugging... I thought he was single but yeah... My mother was right... And it took me a moment to realize he has a girlfriend... I denied it...
I didn't even talk to him yet... I wanted to do it... Now I feel like a fool and think it would be painful to try to be his friend knowing I like him but it doesn't work the other way... I'm happy because he has a good relationship with his girlfriend, I'm sad because I want to be with him as a girlfriend but that's impossible, I'm upset because I hate being jealous of their good relationship and feel like a bad person wishing them to break up so I would be with him... I have such a low self esteem so when I needed to gather up all of my courage just to start a conversation and learn about this I feel so down bad... I wonder what she has I don't... Why is love so painful? I'm crying over a relationship I had in my mind... I never felt anything for any guy before... Every relationship I had as a couple was based on a ship my friends made... My autism didn't help at all... I had big struggles with feelings so I didn't know what was love and I followed along the stupid ships they made... I felt like I would never be like the others and would never know what are the feels everyone talk about when they're in love... So I just forced my relationships and made them toxic... I just followed my love obsession and my need of finding a soulmate quickly... Now I feel empty, the last year I had some suicidal thoughts and my grades went down I felt really bad and thought it was because I needed someone's love and affection but not one from my family... I needed someone else... And last Friday is the day I realized I had feelings for that guy... For the first time I felt something in my chest which was not due to sport and smiled like a dumbass because of him. It felt so good. But now... Here we are... My feelings are broken and my heart is too... Idk what to do anymore... I want to be his friend but I feel like it would be painful because of my feelings towards him... I thought to myself maybe I can try to be his friend so we get close and I know him more and if it gets toxic in any way I'm taking some distance away from him.
What do you think I should do?
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It wouldn't really hurt to become his friend if your intentions are pure, but at the same time I wouldn't advise it because it seems like if you get to know him more you'll end up falling for him more making it harder for you to try get over him. Even if you do choose to become friends and end up becoming close you shouldn't get your hopes up, because like you said he's already in a happy relationship which i dont think you'd want to ruin, because as much as you want that relationship to be with you I think the last thing you really wanna do to someone you like so much is upset them by messing up something theyre happy with. So my advice to you is either become friends with him having only pure intentions or stay away for your own good and mentality
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