Rachel

I have only ever clicked with one person in my life the way I have clicked with you... I regret not saying anything sooner, I did not realize how much my feelings would affect me even months later. Being with you in your hometown, meeting your family, spending time reading, playing games, and watching movies and tv with you, it just felt natural and right. And now you are going to be gone in 3 weeks. You'll move halfway across the country to be with someone that just came in and seemed to sweep you off your feet. This is difficult for me. It kinda feels like I may possibly never see you again and it did not end how I wanted it to. I never got to tell you how I felt, I'm sure you know but the day that you guys became official I was going to talk to you. I really care about you a lot, I think I always will. I just talked to your family and I got sad, knowing that I won't be in your life in a little bit, even though I felt like I connected with you really well and them really well too. Ultimately I just want you to be happy, I really do. It is just difficult to put my emotions aside and just be happy for you. But I am trying to. You are one of the smartest, funniest, most kind, and most caring people I have ever met I genuinely light up whenever I am around you and am excited whenever I get to see you even if it is just momentarily. I think that is love, but I am not sure. I am wearier around that emotion now. Though I think I felt it when we were dancing, even if it played up in my head, when we were dancing it was like we were the only people on earth. I wanted time to stop just so we could keep dancing. The fog machine made it feel like we were just on a cloud in the night and I think at that moment, looking into your eyes my heart melted. I don't really know what to do with these emotions because they haven't gone away even as much as I've wanted them to. I actually kind of hate it, and I am angry that I am just feeling it over and over again. I was doing fine actually until I saw your family again today. It just hit me, being around you and them I realized that was not part of my life and that actually just tore me apart. It seems so many people that I know are leaving my life, but yours seems to be the hardest goodbye. I haven't even seen you that much this semester and that is something that I have hated. Even if we weren't together, I just miss being with you and laughing and having fun. I'm sorry I never said anything, and I'm sorry if you knew and that caused us problems. I'll miss you.