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Ever since I can remember everything that has ever or could probably go wrong in my mom's life has always found a way to be our fault. By our, I mean me and my younger sister. She blames the lack of happiness in her life on us but we are also simultaneously and ironically enough also the source of her happiness. Weird right?! I can't tell you how many times she's got upset at us and with more malice than I've ever encountered in my life spat us the words "I wish I never had you " Do you see how that could potentially fuck up a child? I do. She would then get up the next morning and say that she didn't mean it and that it was our fault for upsetting her. Or times when she would completely hurt our feelings and then say it was a mistake and that everyone is allowed to have those but we weren't. We either had to be the best children in the world or we were the reason she was sick. Talk about gaslighting huh?
The craziest part of all this though? I still love her. I love her with all my being and very unconditionally. I just wish I got the same treatment back.
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I can't say much to support you fellow person, but I thank you for sharing this information. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, nor how to get out of the situation because I too face a similar problem. Never should you hear a parent say things like "I won't visit your funeral then" after a mild argument. I love those whom I hold close very dearly, and I began walking down the road of delirium to face against it. So many times I wanted to say "I wanted to die because of you", so many times I instead said nothing, for so long I stood silent living in a world of delusions. I can't tell what's real or not at times, and it scares me. I don't want you to walk under the same path, however I want you to know that you aren't isolated in this world of fucked up kids alright? I want you to know that if anyone, I am here, and what we can do is share our experiences so we don't fuck up the future and repeat this. Just protect those that you want to, and walk away if you must.
Thank you again for sharing this fellow person,
-another person
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