PHONE CALLS

Just got off a call from my dad.

Now I’m… I don’t know!!! I want to say upset agitated or distressed but I don’t know why I would be?!?!

So I’m crying in my room and panicking on this website. I haven’t used it for a while, maybe to convince myself it’s all fine, or what am I on here for? But it’s not and I’m rambling now.

I’m staying with my grandparents In Scotland . My parents are divorced, My dad is in a America with his girlfriend and her family and my mum is in England. So a week on holiday with no parents right?? Wrong.

They want to stay in touch while they don’t see us which I understand. So week one, I’m with my mum and my dads in America (he lives in England, he’s on holiday) he calls us every night that I’m with my mum. Now I’m in Scotland and my mum, who misses us and has seen us call our dad every day of her week wants to hear from us, and asked that we call her sometimes. So my grandparents come up with the perfect solution: call mum one night, dad the next. BRILLIANT SOLUTION.

Except it’s not.

I suggest it to my Mum, she agrees to call every other night. She has seen us stop what we’re doing with her because dad has called. One parent happy 👍

Then I suggest it to Dad and he says “I’d prefer to catch-up with you guys each day unless your busy.” My sisters on the call didn’t say anything and I lost confidence and said’okay’ and tried to stay outside of the camera for the rest of the call. I could see my dad seemed slightly upset that we would want to call him less, I couldn’t bring myself to stand firm.

SO NOW for this week I will have 10 calls! 6 from dad 4 from mum! And I don’t want this! But I couldn’t make the decision to stand firm on the spot so now I’m stuck with it!! I will probably be getting calls each day next week aswell when we are back at mums house. With is 25 calls in the three weeks of summer holiday first half. I dislike phone calls, but because my parents like to hear from us, I will be doing to many. I am really trying to understand since we won’t see our dad much, but it feels like too much.

I don’t like how I look on calls, I can never quite look at the camera and am worried about looking bored or fidgety. When I realised that there would be so many phone calls I got panicky.

I could feel my breath growing high my face felt hot and my brain wasthinkingandworryingtoofast. I was terrified I was going to breakdown and cry. So i fidgeted and went in and out of the camera view and talkedtoofast.

I’m done with my rant now, thanks for listening :)