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Living in a house full of tenants, lots of unpredictable things can happen. I got my d*ck sucked at 6 years old by a 6 year old girl who told me she sees her mom do the same thing. She used to suck my d*ck while we peeped through a window of a women changing clothes. Sexual perversion messed up my psyche. I wouldn't call it trauma but a seed of obsession was planted. Something that took years to take root and grow. Not knowing it became a central theme to my average thought life. Got exposed to hentai porn at 11 years old, confused that my favorite cartoons would do such a thing. More water added to the seed of obsession. I think thats where it started to grow.
Seeing naked girls became a daily fantasy. Every time i was alone with a computer, flip phone, dvds, i would immediately look for naked women or any type of sexual content, including paper ads in the mail with the bra section. The t*ts, pretty faces and the natural curves of a women was pure art to me. My sexual appetite was never quenched. When i was 12, someone at school was making masturbating gestures, i wondered what that meant. Until i was home alone with an erection. It made sense. This was more water to my plant of obsession.
When i was 15, looking at naked women turned into a question "how do women play with themselves?" Eventually my brother moved in, when i was helping him move, i saw he had a dvd called ggw. when i was home alone, i watched it. My mind was blown and masterbating to women playing with themselves started. Living in a home full of random tenants, anytime a beautiful women would move in, i would spy through their window at night and masterbate to them changing clothes. This appetite eventually grew to viewing penetration porn. More water to my plant of obsession.
After graduation from hs, losing my virginity was my internal mission. Met some butterface in college and lost it at 19. It ended quick. The feeling was next level and i needed more. It was all i ever cared about. Finally met a super pretty face girl, who looked like a porn star tbh. Her curves was everything i imagined, her t*ts nice and pink, tight p*ssy. Hooked up with her and dated for a couple years, always f*cking. And eventually married her. But this internal plant of sexual obsession was starting to bear some nasty fruit.
Guilt free sex was my motive in getting married. Within the first year of our marriage, i was f*cking prostitutes left and right. Sharing my soul with 6 women. And at 21 years old, the sexual intimacy in our marriage was purely from my plant of sexual obsession. We moved in with her aunt, and her cousin eventually moved in too, who looked like jessica alba. At night i would peep through the window masterbating to her. After a couple months i made the decision of moving out, it was tormenting me...
Now 32, still in this marriage with two kids and two more on the way all with the same women, I am surprised that i have a healthy family. No STDs or anything. But this secret internal plant of sexual obsession thats been there all my life is still here, haunting me, torturing me, trying to kill me. I'm realizing now that this plant needs to be uprooted and burned.
That is all i have to say in my plant of sexual obsession. Changing the topic, But at 24 years old i gave my life to Jesus Christ and its crazy that He forgave all of my sin, future past and present. But yet i still struggle with this sexual perversion. I am convinced that as long as im in this body i am going to face the lust in my heart. its up to me to resist that everyday. i know after everything ive done, im still going to heaven. why? because Jesus Christ paid my debt and im forgiven. Something that is available to everybody. and the best thing i can do is pursue Christ, resist my sinful desires, and be faithful in my marriage and kids til i die.
If you've read this far, you just won a million dollars lol jk
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Take that million in pennies if you please.
ReplyI wasn't sure if it was a true story or not but I see you said you gave your life to Christ. You should have never been subjected to such perversion at such a young age. But you can't control your families actions or others. I'm glad you know Christ hopefully your life gets better.
Replyeverything i said is 100% true. i had to be radically honest.
Replyand though idk this is a joke ......million dollars to yours job
Reply???????
Replyits not a joke. its all 100% true. i am, by nature, a funny guy.
ReplyWheres my million dollasss?
Really though, I think you have an addiction. It's not "perversion". It's called addiction to sex. It's not completely uncommon. You can seek treatment for it. It seems as if you're being honest with yourself about it, so the next step if you haven't already taken it, is to talk to a professional. They can help you learn tools that will work your mind out of it if you're triggered at any time. I hope you make it through this with your family in tact.
ReplyThank you for your advice. My problem is budgeting for it. Its pretty pricey.
Replyi too love to have sex and i have fucked many guys even after marriage.. nothing to be guilty about
Replynothing to be guilty about? thats a bit subjective. i like to preserve my soul within the confinements of marriage. its definitely a challenge tho
Replyi too love to have sex and i have fucked many guys even after marriage.. nothing to be guilty about
Replyi too love to have sex and i have fucked many guys even after marriage.. nothing to be guilty about
ReplyJesus doesn't exist and therefore you were never forgiven you're just giving urself a excuse for all that shit rather than own up to it and deal with it properly through therapy. Please seek therapy.
Reply