What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
This is kinda complicated to make it make sense to others, but I'll try my best. So, I have an acquaintance (not a friend), that is my ex, who WAS my friend before we got together. We were partners for a year and a half, but the breakup, while civil and mutual, was extremely hard on me. I fell in love with her, but she didn't. We then tried to be friends after, but it crashed and burned. I snapped at her, she snapped at me, and we ended the friendship. That was also tough, we were very close. (We are also both autistic, please keep that in mind) My current partner was really helpful, and I was getting over her slowly. But the wounds were still pretty deep. I hate that I admit that she hurt me a lot more than I thought she did. A few months later, she contacts me to apologize, and it brought up all of the previous hurt. She wanted to be friends again. I didn't. While I appreciate that she apologized, and I accept her apology, I don't forgive her, and I don't think I want to. I'm not doing it to be petty or get revenge, I just don't think I genuinely CAN forgive her. It makes me feel bad because she forgave me for my mistakes. I just can't help but feel like what she did was worse? I don't know that for sure. I decided to give being friends again another shot, to see if there was any salvaging that could be done. There is, and all seems to be going okay. We aren't friends, but rather, friendly acquaintances, and I'm perfectly okay with that. Lately, I've been starting the conversations and she won't really respond. She did start college, so I know that's part of why, but I also think it might be due to not even wanting to try to salvage what she wanted, and leave me to put in all the effort. That may not be true, but it's just how I feel, she's done that before. I reached out to her and told her how I was feeling about this whole situation we have between us in a gentle and respectful way, and she agreed, and she told her side. We both felt better afterwards, but she hasn't really talked at all since then. I've decided that if she wants to talk to me, she'll have to text me first (basically all of this is over text, I can't stand seeing her and hearing her voice anymore, it hurts too much). It makes me feel kinda bad, since it seems like I'm ghosting her, but she's done it to me, but I don't know what to think about it all. Like, I care about her still, I want her to be happy in her life, but I don't really want her to be a part of MY life anymore. I'm trying to move on, and talking to her doesn't really help much, and I'm still healing from it all. I'm just questioning everything around her. Do I reach out again to tell her how I feel about all this? Do I give in and text her first? Do I leave it as it is right now and wait? What do I do? I want to do the right thing, and I don't know what it is.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
My not so sentimental story
I realised yesterday that how my parents behaved to me which led to trust issues in me. This is when I saw how my son was ignored in the smallest way but how as...
-
I am sorry
This has been so difficult for me to write but the truth is I don't love my boyfriend anymore. I have severe attachment issues and that is the only reason I don...
Tell her what you have said in your post that you are trying to move on and talking to her doesn't help and tell her how you feel and just leave it. Don't wait - get on with your life.
ReplyWell I don't know the context of your break up, like what was said, but I can see it hurt you a lot and you're wrestling with some pretty intense feelings. It doesn't matter that you're autistic because all people struggle emotionally, especially with breaking up because it's painful and awkward, so don't feel bad for a minute. I don't know her personally, so I'm spit-balling here, but maybe she wanted your forgiveness not to salvage the relationship, but for her own comfort. It sounds like all the effort has been one-sided, ( I know you say she's been busy and I'm trying to keep that in mind, so I could be wrong) if I'm right then there's nothing you can do to force a friendship, no matter how badly you want it. You sound like a good person and it's not wrong to wrestle with forgiving her, it's actually pretty human. My advice to avoid misunderstandings and another future heartbreak, is to do the first option and tell her how you feel about this. Tell her like you told me and don't omit anything. Be real with her and say this is your last ditch effort to save any remnants of what you two have and if she's not completely serious about this relationship, you want her to tell you because she owes you that much. And she does owe you her honesty, and if she says she's just been busy, and she seems genuine, then take her word for it. But you've also got to decide for yourself if YOU want this friendship at all. If you think you can overcome the hurt she's put you through and forgive her completely. Because if you give this friendship a go and you don't completely want it then you're kidding yourself and you'll both implode in the long run. I wish you luck though, just trust your instincts!
ReplyYou should forgive her, as our creator forgives us when we confess, and change our minds and our actions. And then take a break from each other, unless you know you are ready to enter into another phase of a committed relationship with her. Otherwise, move on in life and try to cherish relationship memories. Best of luck.
Reply