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It’s Always Unrequited....
(This is a mini journal book about a story I'm creating about my life feelings. No personal names given, just my raw self storytelling my experience during certain emotions. Like an anonymous journal story)
HOW COULD I BE SO TOXIC. I JUST KNOW IT, NO, I KNEW ALL ALONG! Why is it that when someone mentions to have a crush on someone and I know them... I START TO HAVE INTREst?
WHAT AM I BECOMING?
Oh gee maybe I’m just over thinking it, like I always do. Like I’m not ugly or anything but like he can’t have any interest.... shit! I shouldn’t even be thinking about this or how he feels. I shouldn’t care about what he thinks because IM TRYING TO FOCUS ON MYSELF. Like why does it have to be so hard? I don’t even know where to start? Maybe some meditation first.... ugh I just need to get them BOTH OUT OF MY MIND. DUDE THEY PROBABLY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, cause they so mf fine. AND DUDE like I just need to stop being boy crazy! I shouldn’t need a bf right now because I need to focus on myself. EVEN THO I WANT ONE SO BAD, but I know it’s a risk of being hurt.... I just wanna find someone to actually love me for who I am!!! Someone who would make me love myself! I’m just very impatient..... & I’m trying to patiently wait. Ugh I played myself for a few months tho. I should’ve known....well, I did know BUT I SWEAR I FELT HIM GIVING ME THE SAME ENERGY. ugh I liked him a lot too. I don’t know why I did either. That’s what had me hooked. it definitely was his looks (with his mask on) until I saw his face and I kind backed off and then I started liking him again because of his MATURE & kind personality. Ugh that’s so sad he’s gone forever. The fact that this fool didn’t say bye to me when he left proves he really didn’t care. Like I knew he cared but like not enough you know. All of everything was just in my head. So maybe what i think I’m noticing now is wrong too. Even tho I literally feel the tension........hmmm maybe I’m just a thirsty bitch or it could be anxiety. It is, it has to be. But damnnnn I’m just hella bored! I NEED THE SPICE. Ugh I’m just not gonna force myself to think about it. Because I’m already hurt with the fool that left forever so why would I do that to myself again.
THATS WHAT ITS CALLED
the situations I put myself in with others who probably don’t feel the same is called unrequited love.
Yeah. I’m not gonna think about it anymore. I’m just gonna pay attention to myself like I did before (at least try to) and not care.
It’s just really hard not to feel jealous. I try to stop myself but huuuuh it’s so hard.
Oh yeah, so the guy I’m talking about, I started having interest in him until I found out from someone he had a girlfriend.
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Indeed they do. Missed that boat
ReplyHopeless romantic is my nickname :p
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