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I will never be loved. I've never had someone have a crush on me, or confess, or even get close to a relationship. It's probably better that way because I'm a lot to deal with, and I can't be a burden on someone. I have a constant fear of people leaving me, or backstabbing me, or pretending to like me or me just being perceived in any negative way. Not even just romantically, i fear this with my friends too. My mood is so unstable, it changes throughout the day but it's so dramatic. One day I'll be so confident, like everything is going to work out, I'm gonna get better, and all my friends love me! Then something happens and I just get so upset and angry and anxious an abnormal amount and I act dramatic, I act impulsive. I fuck things up for myself. So to avoid that, I try to isolate myself. I suffer in silence. Either way, I end up so sad and miserable and tired. I get so depressed I wanna stay in bed all day. Then I pick myself back up and the cycle restarts. This is my DAILY life. I can't communicate. I'm ugly. I'm worthless and disgusting. I can't let somebody be hurt by me being this way. I'm too much to handle, probably even for my friends so imagine how it would be for my future partners. I'll never find someone to want to care for me even with me being fucked up like this. I know it's the truth but it still hurts. It hurts a lot.
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Stop listening to that negativity that your mind is making up about yourself. You’re not ugly. You’re gorgeous. You’re smart and strong. Tell yourself kind things.
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