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I think I was assaulted? Is that even the right word? Something just feels wrong. It feels like it. I had an old partner who would ask me to do things like finger them or other sexual acts. I would say no no no and give reasons and they would reason against every no. I held out for a month before I just gave in because it was easier. It was on a day that was vulnerable for them and they used that to reason to why I should. They would ask for hickeys I would say no and they would keep asking every time we saw eachother for months. I don't want to hangout? Beg for hours. I didn't even want to date they asked me four times across four months and eventually it was just easier to say yes. So it wasn't a surprise when they wanted to start doing sexual acts on me even when I said no. Then they begged. And I said stay over underwear. And they begged. And I said yes do what you want. And I know I said yes eventually but I didn't want to. I said no I begged them to just listen to no. I know I am guilty for saying yes I really tried you have to believe me. I feel so dirty I can't get clean I feel so disgusted in myself. I just want to move on.
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