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I feel like everyone else has different lives than me, and to me they are shallow. Whereas me, I'm pretty shallow too, but let me explain; I'm more of a "pressure builds, it's time to let it all out" kinda guy, but the problem with me is that I don't actually live life. I claim to know too much but in reality I'm fighting myself all the time. And I'm so sick of this feeling that life doesn't move or does whatever it pleases. I was always used to things being dealt to me, I think survival is an awful thing. I hate it here. Existence is godawful and it doesn't make sense. I don't want to live anymore. But I wouldn't stop a dagger to my heart if I could. You know what? I lived enough to know that life is going to betray me every single time. Not only am I sick of this unconquerable side of life but I'm sick of things always having two sides, and in a weird sense I adopted that philosophy. For example I want bad things to happen to me because I don't want bad things to happen to me. I want bad things to happen to humanity because I don't want bad things to happen to humanity. You want bad things to happen to humanity because I want bad things to happen to humanity because I don't want bad things to happen to humanity. Or maybe it's just how my brain is wired... of course, you would never admit it, which is the reason why I'm also right. Because you don't want to admit I'm right about things having two opposites, that sometimes attract in a loving manner and sometimes they ought to kill each other, because if I say that's true you are going to try to disprove me, and with that you just gave me reason. Unless you are one of those careless people who literally don't give a damn about anything, silence is their weapon. Well, indifference is hate to me. There's neither nothing or something, it's all an amorphous existence which has the righteous way to be how it is. It, is a complete mess. With jagged edges that have absolutely no rhyme or reason. Unless you wanna give me a real reason why we exist, because existence to me doesn't make any goddamn sense. I make sense of it with my small brain, well, maybe existence itself doesn't have to make sense. Is there a primal reason why there is existence or why we exist? My head is a whirlwind right now, I'm done with the fact that I'm not going anywhere and I'm always stuck. We are all going to die.
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The meaning of human life is to navigate paradox and polarity, which is exactly what you have said. This can cause confusion in many people, but this realm is a place where heaven and hell can exist simultaneously, and everyone has to deal with problems of some sort. The contrast gives meaning, and teaches lessons. When you have finished learning human lessons, you ascend to the next dimension above human, where life is less contrasted, but still has challenges and lessons. There is a strong case for one to go through millions of reincarnations.
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