dear ex

i wish i could understand the thought process behind what you did and the rationale for pretending everything was fine. i will never forget that time a week before my birthday when you asked if you could talk to me candidly about something and i thought that us taking it slow again would lead to you asking me out again. my heart beated fast in that moment, excited with the promise of a new chapter, instead you mindlessly asked me for advice about asking her out. to this day shes unaware of what you did to me. i saw you driving her into town to take her shopping for xmas the other day and i know you saw me and ignored me. i spent an entire year trying to be your friend as that’s what you said we were better off as. i cant recall you ever giving me the same as you gave her. i pleaded with you to just be better but you said countless times you couldn’t give a fuck. i cant get that time back ever and yet you’re the one thats nicely equipped for the next stage in life. i wonder will i ever be treated with respect, i am so very doubtful. i wish i just knew how to live without feeling absolutely worthless to anyone.