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ive struggled with depression before and i stopped taking my meds and never followed up with anything. i started to think i was feeling better and didnt need help and i genuinely thought i was in a healthier mindset. i started dating my bf about 3 weeks ago (we started as friends) and slowly i felt the depression coming back. wether it was caused by him or not is unclear to me. i love him but sometimes i wish i could kms. not because of anything hes done. i just get the urge. he might not be perfect but i believe he loves me and cares about me.
sometimes i wish bad things happened to me. i wish he could care for me i wish he showed me he cares rather than just saying he does. but if i tell him this hell be like “i do tho. i dont know how to make u feel more cared for.” like idk either i just sometimes feel like its not enough.
when i say things like this i start wondering if im the unhealthy one in the relationship. i knew i should’ve never said yes. i just really thought i changed. if i told him this tho i think it would break his heart and maybe even cause some insecurity. he might be nonchalant in general but he can be very soft towards me.
maybe i am the bad lover. i wish i loved myself so i could love him better. i wish i didn’t think bad things like this. i need help maybe. i wish i could tell him what i feel but i dont even know myself how i feel. i cant figure out my fucking emotions and it stressed me out because i know communication is key but i just cant. i want him to feel loved as much as i want to feel love. i wish i was a better person.
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Hey hey. First off, please do NOT kys. That won't solve anything at all. My best advice is maybe speak to your doctor, be honest that you haven't taken the medication and start it again. Because we want you to be happy alright.
And on the love part, you're not alone. Maybe you need to have a discussion with him about it and just be honest with how you feel with him (if you feel comfortable enough). At the end of the day, a relationship should be making eachother happy and if he isn't making you feel cared for, maybe just tell him how you feel in a calm and nice mannered way.
Hope all goes well and please keep on staying strong ❤️.
Kindest regards H
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