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So my boyfriend wants to live with his family after marriage, it’s a culture in our country. Now I’ve always wanted to live independently but I’m in love with him so I thought it might not be so bad. But then I told him I wouldn’t move in right away after marriage rather do sleepovers first and get to know his family to which he refused! he doesn’t want to delay living together after marriage but isn’t willing to understand it will be overwhelming for me. I need to get to know them first before I just start living with them. Id feel stuck with no way out. I need my time I need my space. What should I do? I’m someone who gets overwhelmed easily and wants to run away then, he isn’t willing to get that. it’s like we have alternating opinions on everything at this point. he’s more of a logical guy, I’m more emotional. he only sees logic. he believes in staying composed and pushing urself to do what’s necessary, I believe in doing whatever ure comfortable with regardless of what anyone says. he believes in cultural values. Are we ever going to be happy when we’re married? We’ve been together 2 years already. I do love him. Being different should be fine if ure willing to accept that ur partner is different from u and has different ways. But idk how we can solve this one
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she wants to marry her bf, loves him but she’s scared to live with his family. And she’s ready to compromise on that but wants to get into it slowly. she thinks it would be better if after marriage she doesn’t move in instantly but rather slowly gets to know his family through sleepovers, hanging out. So she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and panics when she finally moves in. She’s someone with bad anxiety and feelings of being stuck when given new responsibilities. She needs to be manipulated into things so she adapts eventually. she cannot feel like she’s not in control. She cannot find out if she does, she will feel stuck, breathless and trapped. She wants the choice to decide.
her boyfriend however doesn’t want to delay living together after marriage, he doesn’t want to wait. He believes more in logic than emotions and comfort, and she’s the opposite. what should she do?
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You're fundamentally incompatible. Leave.
ReplyBeing opposite is not wrong but you need to understand each other talk to him try and find a middle ground but if you cannot then it is probably best if you both walk out of each others life while you can
ReplyLiterally one of the most important factors for long-term happiness is having the same values, goals, and lifestyle. Their life will also become your life. Every time. You cannot ignore a glaring difference and hope it will work out, no matter how much you might genuinely love them. Sorry you have to hear this, but if you can't compromise on a solution, you guys just aren't compatible. You deserve to spend your life with someone that can easily integrate into yours and vice versa
Replyoh I was worried about this too when I was getting married and I didn't move in immediately after marriage. I moved in after 2 months and my husband and his fam were very okay.. i had to move to a different state after marriage and I didn't want to leave my job abruptly so I took my time to resign, settle and then i moved back... After moving in, all my fear evaporated. He was amazing and his family was a gem.. we both are very different but that's what makes our relationship interesting.. we are always curious about each other.. we are deeply in love and it was a arranged marriage.. we fight at times, make love, make peace and come to the middle lane where we both agree on things... you both should also come in the middle and take decisions wisely.. marriage is a huge legal commitment..
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