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I don't know what to do. Nor what to feel or say or anything.
Yesterday, I had been at home after school and cooking with my mom when My friend, Who I'll call A, calls me and just says "I'm picking you up soon." then hangs up.
1. I hate when people don't plan things with me involved, like meet ups. She knows this. My mum disliked the randomness as well but, as I am a very anti-social autistic kid, She reasoned it would be good for me to go. (Mind you, I only go outside during school or when people I trust and know are there for me ONLY. Its mostly from social anxiety and fear of being alone.)
2. She didn't specify anything. No specific timing, no descriptions of who'll be there, or anything. Just telling me she's picking me up like I'm a sort of task she has to do.
So I reluctantly wait at my garage on my bike, as she informed we were going to a fort of ours in the forest nearby. Nearly 30 minutes pass, Nothing. An hour, Finally I get a distorted call from an "acquaintance's" house. (I put that in quotes as I am nice to the girl, who I'll call B, but I just.. don't find myself as a friend to her. Mostly from her unfunny humor, her personality cause she thinks she's intimidating but truly is just.. not, and the fact I just.. don't feel like I can be myself near her.) Mind you, The house is a neighborhood away. Girl A lives closer than girl B. and She never said she was bringing others. so, now pissed but still keeping calm, I just listen to them quickly say "We're coming to the forest, just bike over." and they hang up. Fun.
I bike there, much to my recent pain in my thigh from some random issue but probably cause i'm just a skinny ass kid, I see that A didn't just bring B, She brought me and her friend who We'll call L, and a friend of L's named C. I'm slightly happier cause me and L get along great, She helped me realize many things about myself, was really cool and funny, taught me things I didn't know, and stuck up for me at times, even agreeing to not feeling compatible with B. Anyways, We walk into the forest and head to the fort. I was expecting something like a funny game, hide n seek, something dumb but fun. The 20 minutes we spent, was wasted on "prank calling" boys in our school (B's idea.) and it was just A and B doing it. Me, C, and L were just reluctantly joining in cause we were bored as shit. Fastfoward to 5:30 (mind you, she called at 3:40, I met them at 4:59ish.) and all of the sudden, B is like "Guys, I gotta go home. Curfew" cause y'know, average thing to have.
A is like "sure, then you guys drop off Max (me)!"
I was confused. As shit. One, What do you mean 'you guys?' two, She didn't even care to ask "do you have a curfew?" when we got there, we met up, no time at all. Just insinuating the short hang out was over because one girl had to leave. So I asked "you guys? aren't you just gonna drop off B and come back?"
She responded "No, I'm coming with B. L can just drop you off back at your house!" again, not even asking if I had to leave too. C had a curfew as well and A dropped her off too. Me, being someone who tries preventing arguments to keep friendships going and not lose them, just shut up and hung out with L until night came over and we had to drop her off and then head back to my house. At the park, near the forest during the time we spent waiting for night, I kept feeling.. sad. I was confused, I expected myself to be angry or something. Not sad.
So, I tell L how i feel and she agrees, even noting that "A has been nonstop talking with or about B." and It hurt me even more, and now came the anger. I felt envious, and not using that just for poetic touch, I felt jealous as shit. it was so obvious that Me and L, two of the most oblivious people in our grades, noticed how A was so happily talking about either B or her "complicated girlfriend" who I'll title V. V was... unique? iffish.
V was always either moping and randomly dumping things about her family at very opposite topics. Like once, I was talking about DOGS and she said "Guys, My stepmum yelled at me so much last night!" and began ranting about how horrible her life was. and I don't want to sound rude, but She was LITERALLY shoving down her trauma and venting into our throats at random times.
Anyways, So today, instead of being with A, I decided to just fully avoid her. Dumb choice, i know. But it was either that, or talk with her. I've seen her reactions to most people telling her stuff like that, She gets offended too easily. And I'm scared this'll ruin our friendship, as this is the first one in my new home where I hadn't argued with a person (willingly, as I've been left with no other options before in past toxic friendships)
now, I'm nervous and scared and confused and have no fucking clue what to do. Please help.
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It would be best to talk to her because she does not care about your feelings. So I would suggest talking it out and letting her go it will be good for you.
ReplyNever ever hold out for toxic people. It's usually better to just outright leave because they'll typically find ways to manipulate you into staying and continue the cycle. Cutting out people who make you feel bad, has nothing to do with being selfish. It's self-respect
ReplyPersonally I don't think you are being selfish. This might actually serve as proof that you can be assertive, which is a good thing for keeping boundaries. Perhaps you take charge of a friend event soon, including the activities. This will give you confidence. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
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