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Sometimes, I feel like I'm not real. Like this life is not real at all. All of my feeling, all of my senses, all of my thoughts, is just something born out of illusion. I feel like the life I live in can be erased so easily, so fragile, like the last embers of the burnout torch. At those moments, I lock myself in my own world, ignoring the situation of my surrounding, of my own body. I lock myself in my own fantasy, lost in the comfort of numbness, in the bliss of ignorance, and in the cradle of the dark. Sometimes, I dread the feeling. But at another times, I let myself drown in the sweetness of it. I let my self drifted from the world. I close my eyes, pretend that my fantasy is true and what happen in the outside world is just a trick of my mind. I pretend all of my problems will be solved when I open my eyes later. I pretend that everything is okay. I pretend. Pretend. And pretend. Until I wake up and realize that I'm just running away. I will grab my own hands tight, feeling the warm of my own hands, and whispering to myself that I'm alive, I'm real, and I exist. Even though sometimes I feel like I want it not to be real.
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ReplyNot loved very much are you ? I feel the same things☺️
Had toxic parents and lost my loved one due to them. Always felt left out from everything. Had just a small amount of my life where i felt loved because i found her. This living in fantasy world stopped for me for that whole time because i had her. After i lost her due to my parents not accepting, im having this kind of feeling back again. I keep imagining things in "what it could have been today" scenarios more often. But it does sometimes make me happy and sometimes it kills me right at the core.
ReplyIt's like we are living just to live. There is no anchor that keep us "present". We stay afloat, in daze, and sometimes it just feel too much. We don't know why or how. But we keep moving on, just to keep on living, to be alive, with hope there will be times we can see the world and our own self in such clearance that we finally can be grateful that we are exist.
ReplyBe careful doing this because you can lose the sense of reality.
I had a friend who watched a certain soapy every day and she began to think that the soapy was real life and her real life was fake. She had to go to a psychiatrist.
ReplyTrying to keep myself present in my daily life with everything I can do. Busying myself with work and communicate with everyone I can reach. Try to find a hobby too to keep myself enjoying life. Just, at times, when everything feel too much, I comeback to that state; in daze, afloat, numb. But I try, and will keep trying.
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