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Am I a toxic person? I have this "friend" of mine whom I have had a history when we were in 7th grade. She treated me special, her very best friend, but then just like in teenage drama series, she went to a more cool girl on our class and literally just comes back for serious advices (basically when she needs me). When a turning point happen on our 8th grade, I was gaslighted by her into thinking I was the bad guy for speaking up to her just because of her family problems but I also have too. After that, for five years I thought it was only my fault, but I never healed from all the kinds of things she have done to me specifically using me, isolating me from other people whenever she sees I'm with others, and making me question my self-worth because I thought I was not worthy of a healthy relationship with a friend. After five years, I thought, I still can't be able to see her but thankfully I did. Somehow, am I bad that she still treats me as her "bestfriend"(well it is not true because she really has her own bestfriends and yeah technically those are just empty words whenever she needs someone to accompany her because she hates being alone) but I do not have that kind of feeling anymore. I don't know, call me a bad person but it has been a long time since I lost all my invested time, effort, and feelings (any kind) in our friendship. I deemed it as worthless. Up until now she still chats from time to time that she misses me and yet when I respond she just ghosts again. I do not want that cycle, I am sorry but (sometimes) I hate her. Because of her I have trauma creating deeper connections with others. She was toxic and I was naive. Now I think I am getting toxic since I want to cut her off my life and yet whenever she occassionally asks me since we are college students now and in different universities and places, I still respond to her back nicely but in reality I do not feel that way anymore. I am sorry but all my feelings have been lost. She can manage without me, she has done that in the past so cutting her off my life won't be a problem, that is the thing I have learned hardly. It may sound that I am just only ranting, but seriously, is it bad that I do not treat her as my friend but she still treats me as one (I don't know if even that is true and that really is my personality, I have full of trust issues and she has broken my trust many times that I do not even want to think if it is true or not, I just don't care anymore) and yet I don't treat her as my friend, just a stranger once my "friend", she has problems that time in the past and so do I, but now she still is that very same person. Am I bad that I still respond to her to not make an issue but I do not treat her as my friend?
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No, you aren't bad at all. Why don't you avoid her altogether?
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