💖My rapist…Thank you 💖

You used to be my Prince Charming. 2018 was the year everything changed. You raped me whilst I slept, ignored me when I woke up and said no.

You told me you would kill yourself if I left or told the police. You told me if you went to prison you would do it again to someone else. I went to therapy and finally told someone the truth. They told the police, I was screaming and crying begging them not to. I tried so hard to protect you. There was nothing I could do, just like when you raped me.

6 years later… you got released from prison.

6 years later… you still lived in my head. Talking to me everyday.

Constantly telling me to fix things, to seek your forgiveness for telling the police. To starve and hurt myself, all as a punishment for the fact I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

6 years of your voice in my head, telling me what to do and how to live, hating me for leaving.

I finally plucked up the courage to drive 2 hours to your house. To confront you face to face in the hopes of getting you out of my mind.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t knock on the door, I was too scared, so I left you a note asking you to tell me you don’t want contact. I needed closure. But you never contacted me.

Time continued to drag by, I just needed to know what you want from me. I needed permission to move on with my life.

Today I got a call from the police, saying that you don’t want me to contact you anymore.

Finally an answer

6 years of confusion and hell.

My body being used again and again.

But today I discovered the truth.

Maybe you’re not really in control of my life.

Maybe you had nothing to do with those other men hurting me.

Maybe you’re not really in my mind.

Maybe I’m free now.

Free to enjoy living my life, in my own flat, with my dream job.

Free from you.

6 years later I finally have the answer I’ve been looking for.

I have permission to ignore your whispering in my head.

I have permission to live my life without your forgiveness.

Thank you.

Goodbye.