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Let me paint you a picture. Close your eyes. Youre on a road, driving fast. There´s no houses around, just a road and fields with tall, green grass. it´s a grey day, some rain, dripping down slowly. You suddenly see a small orange dot a little ahead in the middle of the road. As you get closer you see a kitten. wet, shivering. lying in the middle of the road, helpless and alone. I feel like that kitten. Abandoned and cold, completely helpless and alone.
I wish for you to stop your car, get out in the rain and save me. pick me up, take me with you, feed me and make me warm. I cant help myself, I need you. It´s a sacrifice, you´ll get wet and a bit cold, but that´ll pass. It would change my life, it would save my life, it would give me life. I can´t do it myself, but if you´ll help me I would fight to get healthy. I would fight to live, I would love you and me forever grateful. Just save me from this cold, wet, gray road.
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You reminded me of a sweet friend of mine. He came back from a war and told me the things he had done. He said he was a killing machine, and detailing what happened to him and what he had done to survive. Everything he once was inside died with the people he fought beside, he said.
First time I met him, I touched his arm to say hello as I hurried past, and he yelled at me to not touch him. It made me stop what I was doing, pull up a couple of chairs and have a cup a coffee with him.
He was an ornery old cuss, but I listened. He told me all the horrific things he did. He let me see him. I think he thought it would scare me. I don't scare that easily.
The things he had to do to survive... no one should ever have to endure that. Ever. It made me wish those impossible wishes that I could have changed the world for him.
It took some time, but eventually, I got his hugs.
I'm not sure who he was lying to about being dead inside, me or himself.
He had a cat, father proof he was just a big ol' softie underneath all that armor. He told me, some time after he came home, he saw someone abusing a cat on the road. He pulled over, rescued the cat and beat the man for it.
He wasn't empty inside. He was just protecting himself. His love would put the rest of us to shame.
I had to ask him to leave once because someone was being aggressive with me while he was near. I wasn't worried at all about the person in front of me. I was worried about Sarg, with his back to the wall fiddling with the knife I knew he had in his pocket with eyes glazing over. I had to tell him to leave and to pull his ass back together. Lol
Lord, I loved that old man.
I haven't seen him for a very long time. I imagine that he has passed on. His health wasn't good. Agent Orange had taken its toll. I don't even know his real name. I just knew him as Sarg.
Thank you for the reminding of him. I wish I could have known him longer.
I hope you find your Sarg.
But, truth is, you don't need him. You've got claws. Even Sarg would have told you that.
<3
ReplyThis is beautifully written.🌹
And hits really close to home. You're not alone. 🫂
Reply