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I don't think of you as much anymore, and honestly I'm thankful. But I'm scared it's only because I've got a whole pile of other things going on, and that's acting as a distraction for me to not be able to think of you. Or maybe it's just for the best. I really do hope I can go my life without having to think about you constantly. Even if we were never together, am I even sure it was a crush? Or did I just feel some sort of attachment towards you since you were the only male giving me attention? Oh my gosh, who even knows. I don't even remember how our last convo went. It's been like, what? 4 years since I saw you? So why do I randomly just think of you.. Seriously. There's moments where I wanna like you, then there's others where I hate you just because I thought about you. It's so weird, but as of now I don't like you. I'm waiting for the day my heart doesn't yearn for you anymore, where it doesn't care and just doesn't wait for you to show up anymore. I have slowly lost hope in seeing you, but there's still a little piece of me that thinks ill see you maybe. Even if we don't, that's just our fate. I really do wish I get over you though, I hate being reminded of you. Reminded of you when looking at people's faces, my diary, when others mention you, seeing your family but not you, seeing your sister often. It sort of does something to me, I don't want to be reminded of you. Ever. I could've sworen you weren't anything special, either. Average appearance, 2 faced personality. I don't even know WHY I like you, maybe because of those few moments where you made me laugh, joked around with me or teased me? Oh my god, I remember being late and my bag getting stuck on the handle near the staircase and I tried pulling my bag off of it and you just watched me from the bottom of the staircase with a slight smirk on your face LMFAOO so embarrassing tho. Anyway, that's probably js one of the memories I'll remember from you being the first person I seemed to love. Don't know what was so attractive about you, but I still somewhat want you. Weird, I know. Our families wouldn't let us be together anyway, my family doesn't like yours.. but then again. The fact that you follow the girl I've hated the most in my entire life? Massive ick. Like why the HELL do you follow her? And you have the audacity to repost her tiktoks.. alright. Do as you please. I hate you, but my heart wants you still. What the hell??!
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