My Eating Disorter

I do not know where to start. I know that writing whatever is stuck in my mind will help me ease this pain.

I started my weight loss journey in January, right when I found out my ex-boyfriend was dating a beautiful, skinny girl. I went to the gym every day, and would only eat approx 1,000 calories a day, I was doing amazing and lost around ten pounds.

I would post about my progress, and everyone seemed to praise me and I got more attention than ever. I was not known as the "fat friend" of the group anymore.

But recently, I started binging, every single night. I shove food in my mouth after a long day of eating only 700 calories, and I end up gaining approximately two pounds from it. I kill myself over this, it affects my mood, my overall mental health, etc. I even tried going on hours and hours of walks just to cancel out the extra calories, but nothing seemed to work.

I tried to throw up, several times.

I have gained three pounds from all of this. and it is tearing me apart.

I feel so ugly, and useless.

I was driving today with my instructor, he made me feel so worthless, yeah I zoned out and kept on thinking about my weight. I couldn't have helped it. He got really upset with me. I cried a lot.

I downloaded my sober app today, I want to stop weighing myself and the binging and purging for at least thirty days, I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I can keep you updated, please wish me some luck.

I want to get out of this hole.

I can admit that I lost myself over this battle.