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I'm thirteen, I cannot genuinely fathom living past twenty, I'm sorry. I know I'm probably selfish, I've been told it enough. But how? How can I make do in this world? It's not even the dangers of the world right now, I just don't want to live past twenty. I don't want to let myself. The sales are rising, issues are present, I'm autistic and the generation is so, so disrespectful and hopeless. I might be pessimistic but I've tried. I had to fight for education with my severe lack of understanding and having to teach myself while the new generation doesn't even try.
Is it even worth it? I used to want to live forever but even one year feels like an eternity. I don't want to live to fifty. I don't even really want to live to twenty. It's not worth it. I can't even make connections with people cause something is messed up with my brain. I have certain issues that make me completely unlovable regardless. I've done things that are unforgivable.
Living with people sucks. Global warming sucks. Everything in the world is messed up. Everything was so happy and good before COVID. I feel so bad for the new generation, they never got to feel it the same way.
The teenage years are told to be your best, and that makes me so, so scared.
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You’re going to live to 20. The average life expectancy is like 70 something. If you can’t think ahead to 20… all I’m saying is it’s not easy, but if you have a goal, and you work towards it, you can achieve it. I know it’s popular or whatever to complain about all the bad stuff in life, but to be honest, 90% of experience is neutral. If you’re just in the moment, and you look at the white walls or you look up at the clouds or you look at the floor, most of everything in the universe isn’t bad or good it’s just neutral and passive. Just don’t let failure change your attitude about life. If you want to live the life you deserve, it won’t be handed to you unless you’re super lucky, so you have to fight for it. But just because you loose a few times, you can’t give up. You can’t stop being as aggressive about pursuing what you wanna peruse. Because good things do exist, good people do exist, good places do exist, there are good experiences you can have. And there are good things about you, and you do deserve to be recognized for those things, and you do deserve to be successful at things that involve your strengths as a human being whatever those are. But you can’t let the evil in the world win. If you have one chance to live, and you deserve something, make it happen. Don’t let all the suffering and the bad people and the bad experiences, don’t let the negativity win by giving up. It should surrender to you not the other way around.
ReplyI suppose you're right. I'm glad you didn't just tell me the world is good.
People are just ridiculous, and the world is too. Meaningless things on top, important things on the bottom. There are issues that arise that I'll have to deal with if I stay. I'm too scared to die, but I think it's mostly because I do have hope. I do want to fight for things. I just wish people weren't so cruel, it's not even the world, just maybe the people I can't escape.
I want to see the beauty of the world, because out of all the places in the universe I could have ended up I ended up here. And nature is beautiful. And people are too. I just wish it was easier sometimes.
I still try though. Thank you for your words. I hope for you luck and a good day.
ReplyI relate to you, my dear. I'm turning nineteen years old soon, and ever since I was your age I told myself the same thing. I had something like a voice in my head telling me I won't make it past nineteen. I didn't see a point in living a life like mine. Then highschool treated me horribly and I'm glad it's ending soon. People treated me like trash, so I'm glad to leave for college a few months from now. My advice for you is to focus on your studies no matter what. Set a dream to work towards. Big or small, you decide the purpose your life is going to have. My purpose now is getting a good education, helping people as a job and making money to travel the world when I grow older. Highschool made me so depressed that I couldn't focus on studying at all and I forgot all about my dreams in hopes of dying young.. I found out pretty late that dying is not as easy as I thought, and if I wasn't doing it to myself then no one would show up to finish my life for me. I got back to studying, and as hard as it is, I pray to get into my dream college and get the heck out of this place. You can make a life for yourself, dear. Cut off anyone in your life who tells you otherwise. You're very mature for your age to be thinking like this, but don't sit around for things to change because they won't. Basically I'm telling you not to be like me.. go out there and face the world as trashy as it is, and maybe you can make out something good of the whole experience. At least that's what I'm trying to do now :)) Don't worry and push through. You got this!!
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