To My First True Love

You're leaving for college soon, next year as far as I've heard.

I miss you so much. I miss your touch. Your smile. Your laugh. Everything about you.

I met you in 3rd grade, we're currently in 11th. I don't get to graduate next year like you do.

I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. You mean too much to me.

I've imagined our last few moments together, hopefully our true last moment is a good one.

I imagine me and you, outside of my house, it's my birthday, apparently. I'm on the porch, you're on the walk way right in front of the porch.

You're wearing a red shirt, and black shorts, and your sneakers.

I'm wearing a hoodie, my lifeguard hoodie, the one I bought in Galveston with you, and our friends, my black jeans, and my boots.

It's raining, for whatever reason. Dramatic effect maybe.

And I'm begging you to not leave me.

I want to kiss you, to hug you, to scream "I'm so, so sorry"

But I just stand there, my fingers wrapped around your arm lightly, as a way of keeping you somewhat near me.

You pull yourself away, tears prick my eyes.

I say your name softly. It's barely audible in my brain, it sounds like static.

You say my name in return, along with a "You need to stop."

Stop?

Stop what?

What have I done?

I know I screwed up.

Don't go. Please don't go. Don't leave me.

"I have to go now."

"I'm sorry." I say, finally.

"I know you are." You say.

I look at you, and I let my extended arm fall to my side. My heart races rapidly in my chest as I watch you leave, and go to your car. The rain starts to set up.

I call out to you, my voice is more confident than it was before. I run to you, I zig-zag my way through the various cars, and I run in front of you. With no hesitation, I hug you, and I cry.

It's like we're little kids again, the way I hug you and cry.

You pull yourself away.

"I have to go." you say to me.

"I know." I say "But I can't let you go. I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me."

"You swear it?"

"I swear it."

I hug you one last time before I let my fantasy end.