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There's really nothing to do. I mean there lots that I want to do, but circumstances don't allow me. I've waited so far in the hopes that things become better, but they didn't. So, if this is ther life that I'll be leading, I honestly rather be dead. There are so many things that I want to do, but this world and its concerns keep drifting away from me. I see no use in participating in daily struggles. And, I'm no rich person, I am dead poor and totally doomed. But, I don't want to do the things that eqaually poor people tend to do. I don't know, it all sounds ridiculous, what's the point of struggling? Everything is pointless. Don't get me wrong, there are still many things that I enjoy (but not able to do anymore), and I laugh and love like a normal person, but I can't create bonds due to my life's instablity. And, I cannot be truthful either, I mean too much restrictions and oppression that only accept you if you lie. But, it's no fun. Can't do anything I love, can't be anything that is true to me. I know it's not much that I want, but some people for some reason are not even given that little. Anyway, this doesn't resonate to me, and it weighs on me with every breath of my life. I've read many religious and spiritual texts, and it doesn't sound at all like I'm a bad person. In fact, it seems the contrary, I may be able to pass any narrow bridges to heaven. So, it's better if I go. I think I've already done pretty well despite the disadventegeous circumstances. And, I'm applausing myself for that. Part of me hesitates, because of the feel of imcompleteness, and I am a hardworking responsible student that would finish every businness. But, not this time, can't go on, sorry. I'm not that sorry though.
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Listen...every sentence you just wrote resonated with me in every way possible. I've been reading so many letters on here to see if anyone truly understood what I was going through & as I came upon yours I'd like to thank you for helping me not feel alone in this darkness. My thoughts&prayers will now & forever be with you. keep fighting these demons & if you're already gone I understand. I'll see you in the next life. thank you again for saving me this day.
ReplyThank you! I was wondering if I was the only one as well :(
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