another another

i was doing a undertale roleplay earlier one ive been doing for a while and i seriously relate to who i was roleplaying as (despite its my own au verison) when hes having a mental breakdown sometimes just not as psychotic i badly wanna continue but my friend had to go i just have that feeling in my heart when some character i relate to so much is just going through something sad and i sort of wanna stab myself too like he was but i also dont im just so not sure if im doing anything right but my cards say yes im having doubts despite im not supposed to when will it get better? its almost definite that itll get better in august aka now but it hasnt just whats wrong? this is probably all my fault im a horrible friend im a horrible person and now everyday is feeling the same because of school only at dads place does it feel a little different despite more energy consuming september seems so wonderful but i have to stand the tiring month of august first and oh god theres november too after october what if i have to go to the doctor again im iatrophobic, dentophiobic and trypanophobic what if i get yelled at by family again just for being scared i have anxiety i cant help it please help me i dont know how to feel i can only hope im doing things right please tarot dont tell me my ex friend is gonna come back past the end of october youve already postponed her arrival enough (i know it isnt certain and i need to be paitent but why just why)

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