What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
My mom's boyfriend has been around since I was 8 and now I'm 27. I've always treated him like a father figure because in many ways he was one. Over the years, he's gotten worse as a person. He drinks excessively every night and treats my mom horribly. He doesn't value anything that she brings to the table despite doing everything for the man from grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and even managing his doctor's appointments and prescriptions. He works and then bums around watching bad TV and drinking. I moved back home to finish school because my roommate situation wasn't working out and my mom and her boyfriend were happy to have me. Sadly, he's begun to treat me badly too, referring to me as a child and not counting me as an adult in the house. He's even made light comments about me not being his kid, despite everything. My car, which was getting old, finally died for good and he said he'd help me get a car. However, he keeps blowing it off despite me being done with school and wanting to go off again and find a career, but I'm stuck at their house without a vehicle. I have some money saved but not enough as a recent graduate with student loans to buy a decent car. My mom's boyfriend has kids who haven't spoken to him since they were young. Suddenly, they've come back into his life and have called sporadically. His daughter recently called and he was so happy. I snooped because I heard him talking to her about the importance of having a reliable car and suspected he'd send her money. Sure enough, I found an envelope with her address and a note, a sticky note dated today with Wells Fargo written on it, and a scribbled patch in pen. I think he wrote the amount down and then scribbled it out. This man has been in my life more than his children and I've always treated him well and this is how I'm being repaid? I know the last time his son called he gave him money too and it's clear that it's what they want. Despite that, he'll give them money for a car or expenses, but I get nothing? I don't want to be stuck in this house with him, but he promised to help me get a vehicle s I could start working and move back out and he has gone back on his word before handing that money over to his real daughter, whom he hasn't known since she was in elementary school. I'm angry and frustrated. I told my mom my suspicions and have screenshotted the evidence, but haven't been able to show her yet. He's really well off and like I said, I would help pitch in for the car, I just need a little help. I don't know what to do.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Opinions?
I know this sounds stupid but I didn't know where else to go for advice.. I bought a puffer jacket for winter while it was on sale and discounted from a very...
-
Am I weird??
To anyone who might read this, I'm just a teenager from Northeast India, and right now, I'm in a dark place. Iām supposed to be preparing for the JEE IIT a...
I'm middle aged and I come to this site often to lend words of wisdom or guidance.
You are, honestly, in a real pickle here. After reading your story, I realized I had, well, nothing. So I read the story again. Sometimes, I think people mentally wall themselves into situations that they, themselves, can resolve. Sometimes, as well, people just need clarity on a subject. But here, you are dealing with a situation.
I'm not sure that this will help, but the best I can do is to pretend I'm in your shoes and tell you what I would do.
For starters, it's saddening to hear that this man has changed over the years and is no longer treating your mother and you with the love and compassion you both deserve. It can be tricky but, once your mother decides that she's had enough of the situation, she will find a way to leave. Unfortunately, many tend to stick around no matter how badly things get.
The brunt of this, though, is the vehicle situation so let's move on to that. This man agreed to help you obtain a vehicle and now he's not doing that. There's a web of stories about where the money is actually going but that becomes a moot point when we focus on the mission - getting a vehicle.
Here's what I would do in your situation...
If you currently have a job with income, could it be possible that you could afford a monthly payment? If so, you could take the money you have now and purchase a vehicle with cash. I understand that you don't have much money now and this means, in turn, that the vehicle isn't going to be very nice. But, if you can afford a monthly payment, put that amount aside each month for ten months. During this time, try to drive "unfaithful" only when needed. At the end of ten months, sell that first car and take that cash, plus what you've saved from the monthly payments, and get a better vehicle. Repeat this process every ten months and you will never have lost any money to interest.
In the same area, if you have a job and income, you could likely finance a vehicle if you aren't willing to drive something that doesn't look nice and would be embarrassing to be seen in public. Should this be the case, you could use the cash you have on hand as a down payment for the vehicle you are financing. Depending on what you can afford to pay monthly, you may need to get a very low priced vehicle. You'll loose money to interest this way, but it'll prevent you from driving something you aren't willing to be seen in. Let us remember that financing a vehicle is considered a secured loan because, if you fail to make the payments, the vehicle will be taken away from you. For this reason, it's actually easier to get approval for a car loan than some unsecured loans, like credit cards. I say that to say this, you may get approved for a vehicle loan even if you think you don't qualify.
In either case, please remember that, in addition to the amount you are tossing to a vehicle each moth (whether that's in an account to save up or toward a vehicle loan), you'll have the additional expense of insurance. Keep that in mind when choosing a vehicle as a small, slow, four-door family car will cost far less in insurance each month when compared to a beautiful two-door sports car with a large engine.
If you don't currently have a job with income, we'll need to continue investigating options.
In your area, are you in range of getting to a place of business for work by foot? As you've just graduated, the position will likely not be in your field but it could get some cash flow moving for you which can buy you some time while you come up with other options.
If you aren't in an area where you can get to work by foot, can you go a bit farther on bike? A nice bicycle can be had for a mere $100 which is far, far less than a vehicle and doesn't require insurance. It's likely embarrassing and no fun on the rainy days, but it could help.
To go even farther, not on foot and without a bike, perhaps the area you live in offers public transportation for a small fee? There is an inconvenience here where you will likely have to get to a station far earlier than your shift begins and/or far later than when your shift ends, but it could be another solution.
Those are several options and you can put them into any order you choose. If the first option doesn't pan out, you can move on to the next.
If you have any interest in seeing if this guy will pitch in to the cause, I would suggest it's best to not ruffle feathers by saying anything along the lines of, "Why can't you give me money? You're giving the others money." This would likely upset him and only make matters worse. Rather, schedule a time to speak with him and, if you think it would help, make sure your mom is part of this discussion, too. My wording would be something like this - "In the past, you told me that you would help me get another vehicle. I have "X" dollars right now and found a dependable vehicle for "X" dollars at this lot across town. If your offer still stands, I would need (or "would need to borrow") "X" more dollars." Then follow this up by explaining how the vehicle will help you all. Once I have this vehicle, I can start applying for jobs in my field. Once I have this vehicle, I can get a job and start looking for my own place so you two can get some space back. Etc., etc., etc. What will having this vehicle do for you? And, what will this vehicle do for them? You may want to be prepared to answer those questions before having the talk.
I had a similar situation once in my life. I had worked for a company for 12 long years and, while most of those had been great, there was a merger and the new folks made the place unbearable. I jumped ship and went to work for a competitor who was, at the time, still under construction. Because they were so small at the time, I agreed to come in for a much lower position at a much lesser salary to get my foot in the door and assured them I would prove myself worthy of bigger and better positions that required more responsibility as they got closer to opening. They agreed and I took a HUGE pay cut. Several months went by and, one day, my boss told me that he was working to create a position that I would slide into and, in that, would get a large raise. Another month or two went by and we were nearing the opening date for this business. I asked the boss if we could have a word and he agreed. I remember what I said to him like it was yesterday. "I know you said you were working to create a position for me and I was wondering if you could give me a timeline for that. None of this is your fault, but I took a huge pay cut in coming here for this current position at this salary. My family and I have been floating by on old funds but those are getting low. I'm not trying to rush you, but if I can get an ETA on that, I can plan accordingly so we can make ends meet at home until this comes through." This man smiled at me, stood up, and asked me if it was about time for me to take a break (I was a smoker so went outside from time to time.). I said, "Sure, I could use a break." He said, "Walk with me, then." I got up, and together we made our way through this large warehouse toward the doors leading outside. At the halfway point, he reached out and grabbed my shoulder. We both stopped and he said, "Thanks for letting me know your position on all of this. I'm going to put that paperwork in right now. You run on and enjoy your break." We both smiled and he turned back for the offices. When I came in from break, I passed by his office and he called out for me. I swung my head back into his door and he said - "This is the position I'm moving you into and this upcoming check will be the last one at this salary. Your new salary will be "X"." And that was it. I thanked him and it all went well.
I can't say the conversation will go so well with your mom's boyfriend, but I can say that I've had that conversation before and it went well for me.
As a final thought, I should make note that if you ever feel that you or your mom are in any real danger by staying in that home, you should definitely reach out to emergency services for immediate assistance.
No matter what happens, we're all wishing you the best of this situation.
Good Luck!
Reply