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I don’t even know where to start. I’m 20 and I’m engaged I have 5 pets and I can’t help feeling a little trapped. I love my life don’t get me wrong I have an amazing fiancé he’s the sweetest most thoughtful guy ever and even when he’s annoying me I can’t help but laugh. I have the cutest pets in the world and I wouldn’t give up a single one for anything. I love where my path has led but because of what that path is I can’t help but feel longing for what I didn’t get. I never got a chance to explore being a young adult. I got my first dog and moved out on my own when I was 17 and I went from one long term relationship that I swore would be only into dating my now fiancé. I’ve never been alone as an adult and I feel like sometimes I don’t even know who I am by myself. It’s hard because I wouldn’t trade my life for the world but how do I stop wishing for what I can’t have. I wish I had a time to have no responsibility and just explore being me because I feel lost. I can’t go out because my animals need me I can’t travel because there’s no one to watch them I feel guilty being out of my house for more than two or three hours. I just feel trapped and I don’t know how to get over it. I think I also just have some control issues because when I was 17 up until a couple months ago my best friend was a girl I met at work and she was 8 years older than me and controlled everything I did. I was so blinded to who she was turning me into and I didn’t even realize how hurtful she was to me until earlier this year. I just don’t know how I can find myself and also not ruin the amazing life I have found. And I feel so guilty thinking and feeling this way because I have built such a great family now but I don’t know what to do
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Sounds like you're carrying a lot of conflicting emotions but that’s completely normal. I think you’ve grown up fast and it makes sense that you’d wonder about the "what ifs" of living more freely without responsibilities. So, you don’t have to give up the life you love to find yourself. You can carve out space, even if it’s small, to reconnect with who you are as an individual. Try setting aside little moments just for you (yes, a me-time!) whether it’s walking alone like jogging, a hobby you used to enjoy or journaling. Do what you enjoy without guilt. It doesn’t have to mean traveling or living without responsibility, it’s about discovering ways to find your own identity even within your current life. Maybe you can also communicate these feelings with your fiancée. Since he’s so supportive, sharing your thoughts could probably relief your frustration or confusion a little. Be kind to yourself as you learn to make choices for you again, surely it will take time, but remember, it’s not selfish to have your own life.
Replyhopefully your fiancé is your age or you definitely are missing out on being free and young. if you wait too long, you’ll never get an opportunity to be young, alone, and carefree. it’s one of the best times in a young person’s life. why in the world would you want to strap yourself down when you haven’t even lived yet.
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