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I was told my entire life that I wasn't pretty. I’ve been called every name under the sun, yet people call me dramatic for believing I’m not only unattractive, but unworthy of love.
A few years ago, I decided to keep track of how many days in a row I was insulted or had a comment made about my face in person… I got to 77 days. Every time I left the house, someone would say something. I remember one day in particular where over 20 people commented on my appearance. After that, I refused to leave the house. I recall a man turning to look at me in shock that day, grabbing his friend, and saying, 'Look at her,' before both of them laughed and called me dead (British slang for ugly).
I was told I was unlovable for many reasons, my appearance being the main one, and that I’d be lucky if anyone ever even looked my way. I was told I could never be with someone they deemed as attractive. I was never the girl who had relationships. I was labelled the ugly friend, often to my face. I remember someone sighing when they saw me as my friend's plus one at a party, asking why she kept bringing the 'dead friend.' It got so bad that I removed all the mirrors from my home and covered the cameras on my devices. Now, I have one mirror, but I still cry every morning when I have to look at myself to get ready for work. I am physically repulsed by my own face to the point where I have quite literally thrown up for staring at it for too long or I completely shut down and have bad panic attacks. Even now as I write this, I can see my face in the reflection of my laptop screen and I'm already freaking out.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be pretty, to be someone people might have a crush on, to have people think I’m nice to look at. Even at 22, I still get comments about my looks. Customers call me names, and it hurts so much. I don’t bother anyone, so why do people feel the need to comment on my appearance, as if I’m not already aware of it? I have to face it every single day. I was told the other day that people with ugly faces shouldn't be in customer facing rolls/hospitality and I should do an office job of some sort. How is one meant to respond to that?
After my ex and I broke up, I was told I should just settle for anyone willing to look at me for more than five minutes, or be prepared to die alone.
So, I’ve mentally prepared myself for that, to know I might never have someone look at me and think I’m worth dating. Even now, I know there’s a good chance I’ll spend my life alone. I’ve slowly come to terms with it. I might never be considered beautiful by anyone, never adored for my looks, never shown off, never admired.
I don’t know where I’m going with this… I think I just needed to get it off my chest.
Please be kind to people.
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That's so messed up that people can be so rude like that. Sorry you have to go through that.
ReplyI apologize in behalf of those rude and insensitive people love. But you know what, all those things they are saying DOES NOT MATTER. What matters is how you see yourself. Please please be kind to yourself love. You deserve to love and be confident to who you are. Try- no DO GIVE yourself compliment every day when you wakes up. It's affirmation we give ourselves. Write good things on your mirror. Erase the negative things and replace with positivity. WHO CARES what they say, by the end of the day your mental health is important. Please don't give them satisfaction to destroy yourself.
God loves you, you're not alone.
We all have our own beauty, let's start inside and it will shine outside love.
God bless your heart.
ReplyWhen you have a job (if you aren't working yet) see a cosmetic surgeon to find out if something can be done about your face and if it can find out how much it will cost and start saving. In the mean time try not to let people bother you too much and concentrate on fixing up the spiritual part of yourself which means having God in your life and reading The Bible and getting to know Him as well as building a relationship with Him.
ReplyYou are not pretty.
You are, without a shadow of a doubt, beautiful. I can say this with certainty, even never having seen your face. The most beautiful people feel the most deeply, and I can see with your words that you feel every word of insult or hate against you.
It's not so much the beauty of one's face or body that should attract people- in fact, I would go so far as to say, if everyone loves how you look, you're worse off. I can promise you with certainty that you will find and have that one person who knows you are the most beautiful, lovely, amazing creature to grace this earth- and when you find them, you will know. You will be afraid, you will fight their opinion, you will try your hardest to not believe them when they say you're pretty; subconsciously, but still, you will probably fight them on this because of the people in your past. But trust me when I say that someone, somewhere, has been waiting for you. Listen to "The Most Beautiful Thought" on Spotify by Forest Blakk.
Anyways, I'm rambling..... In short, I know you are pretty. I know you are, and so many other people do. Don't listen to the people who have no light. Let your own light shine.
Rooting for you, my dear.
ReplyI know this is not exactly what you're looking to hear, but the human body is nothing more than a vessel for doing good or bad. And even Hollywood glamor fades with time, so beautiful looks are not everything. Confidence can actually be as equally attractive as a pretty face. I hope this helps.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Luke 2:29-32
Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations. A light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus, when we change our minds and our actions.
Reply