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I hate being alive. I want to be dead. I want to be dead so, so much. I wish I could die. But I can't. Just my wanting it isn't a good enough reason. I ignore things I want all the time. I have to ignore this, too.
I hate being here.
I want to go. I want to die. Please let me die.
They won't, though. They won't let me die. And I let them keep me here, I make promises to them and things like that.
I just wish I didn't have to. Why can't they hate me? I wish they hated me. If they wanted me dead too it'd be so much easier. I could just die and everyone would be happy, except for me, I'd be dead. I wouldn't have to feel anything.
But as it is, they all CARE about me. Why do they have to care about me. I wish they hated me.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't wish this. I know, I know it's wrong. But I just hate it so much.
Why can't I die please just let me kill myself please I don't want to be here I don't want to need things or want things or feel things or remember things or anything. I don't want to anything.
I can't. I can't. I'm not allowed a way out. I'm not allowed out. I have to stay, I promised. But I just wish they hated me. I wish they'd let me go.
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