life is fucked

hi im jessica n 15 years old. this is the 2nd "letter" i have written n it rly hadn't even gotten better tbh it's gotten worse. sometimes when i see myself i just think of how little me would be so disappointed, she would be. it sucks knowing that. um idk where to start on what as gotten worse so here's a list-

1. haven't eaten in 2 days n if i do eat i vomit

2. can't sleep n when i do i have nightmares about being kidnapped n not being able to scream or run fast enough

3. i've been cutting more

4. i don't talk to ppl anymore like i've just been ignoring them ig

5. over exercising to point where im shaking gasping for air n can barely walk

6. i feel like if i don't sexulise myself ppl won't want me

7. lost 5kg in a week so now i weight 50kg

um so yh i think i have an ed now. n i can't do anything cuz i have no energy anymore. its like my spark just left. ppl havent even asked me if im okay still. n when ur pushing ppl away n no one tries to save us it rlly shows whos fake n whos real. i have also some to the realization that im a girl version of my father. short temper, won't get help, i even look like him. i think thats why my mother hates me. i mean my sister looks like her so i think thats why my mother loves her cuz i remind her of him. i also done. like im finish i have no fight left in me. n the fact that im alive makes me so furious. n now that i think about it this (sh, small ed n self harm) started when i was 11. like at 11 years old i was hiding my cuts n not making my lunch for school or eating breakfast on purpose. i also feel like screaming every 2 seconds n when i speak to someone i want to say so much but i dont. idky i just dont. my sleep schedule is also fucked like right now for me its 2:25 am. i normally go to sleep at 4 then wake up at 6 or 7am. i dont like sleeping knowing my uncle lives with us. it makes me feel sick n gross in my own skin.

um im gonna go cuz i dont feel like writing anymore. so bye